Love in a VERY unexpected place
by icecold
Summary: What happens when a girl who hates men gets pulled into her Zelda Oot and has to help Link save Hyrule? NOTE: also contains humor.
1. Default Chapter

Author's note: Yes Mashinisshi, I admit it, I did sort of get this idea from your story

Author's note: Yes Mashinisshi, I admit it, I did sort of get this idea from your story. I'm sorry, but it is a great idea. I just want to disclaim the idea of getting sucked into the Zelda universe. That was Mashinisshi's idea.

"SHIT!!!" I screamed as I slammed the door behind me. Another bad day at school. It wasn't unusual for me to get teased but when every boy in the entire 8th grade is included in the cruelty it's pretty bad. I had never been the type of person who was very popular with the guys. I'd never had a boyfriend before and I was constantly their target for harassment. I hated them. Deciding I needed to get my mind off of life in general I sat in front of my television and put The Legend of Zelda: Oot into my N64. As I watched Link ride across the screen I mumbled. "It's a good thing I don't know you, Link, 'cause if I did I would probably hate you." I sighed and pressed the start button. 

"What the f***!" The screen had just frozen and was making a buzzing noise. I reached out and flipped the switch off. Nothing happened. "Aw Dammit!"(I'm such a happy child aren't I?)I shouted. I was really hotheaded and had just reached the point of boiling over. I slammed my fist into the screen, hard. I completely lost my balance when my hand went straight through the TV. I almost fell in. I pulled back in total awe. The TV, however had different ideas. It refused to let go of my wrist. I jerked backwards. The TV jerked back. This time my elbow was locked in the screen. This was unbelievable. I pulled again, this time to end up having my whole arm sealed inside. 

"Okay, I guess this isn't working." I came to the conclusion I should have had much sooner. I was unsure of what to do and after a few minutes of thinking, I had only one idea: try to break the screen with my free hand. (I know, it was a stupid idea but for crying out loud I was being pulled into a freaking TV screen, I mean, what would you have done?) So, of course, when I punched the TV my other hand was caught. And this time, the screen didn't hesitate. It pulled me right in, headfirst.

I know it's short. I promise the next chapter will be longer. If there is a next chapter. If I don't get any positive reviews I won't continue. 


	2. Chapter 2

I fell for what seemed like forever through a maelstrom of swirling light and colors. I suddenly saw the void open upon a field that was God knows where. But it wasn't where I was that frightened me. It was the fact that I was falling, face first.

When I woke up it was nighttime. I looked around at my surroundings. I was in the middle of a circle of hills so I couldn't see much except for grass and trees. 

__

That's it, trees. I thought. 

Almost immediately I grabbed on to a low-hanging branch on the tree that was nearest to me. I attempted to swing my leg over the branch a number of times and on like, the eighth attempt I _sort of made_ it. I ended up hanging sideways with my legs wrapped tightly around the limb. From that position I managed to reach another branch, then I let my legs slide off the first one. I swung myself back and forth until my feet landed on a lower bough. I slowly pushed myself into a standing position. I pretty much repeated this process until I wasn't far from the top. I pushed a few small twigs out of my face before I gazed at my surroundings. 

__

Is that a castle? And why does that look so much like Lon Lon Ranch? This is like so medieval. Wait a minute. That dork isn't riding a horse, is he? Who does that anymore? I saw some guy riding a horse and he was heading in my direction. 

__

Well maybe he can tell me where I am. I casually (well okay, attempted casual) climbed back down the tree. I turned around. The last thing I remember before I passed out _again_ was a sharp pain beneath my ribs.

I slowly regained consciousness only to find that it was too dark to see much of anything anyway. I did, however, see the silhouette of someone on top of me. 

"What the f***! Get off of me! I screamed. 

"Shh, Shh, it's okay." He said as he gently placed his hand over my mouth. "You were almost killed." He explained. 

I tried to bite his hand causing him to pull it back and then yelled, "I'm surprised I'm not already dead, considering the fact that your knee is cutting off my air supply."

He calmly responded, "I have to put pressure on the wound so it stops bleeding." 

"What wound?"

I couldn't see him but I'm guessing that if I could I would have seen him blush.

"I uh... I..." He stuttered

"You did it!" I was screaming again.

"Well it was dark and you kinda looked like a gerudo."

"A what?" I asked even though I was almost positive I had heard him right. 

"A gerudo."

__

Is he joking? I'm not actually in... no it can't be. Can it?

"What's your name?" I requested.

"Link."

"It is not."

"I assure you, Link is my name."

"Do you have a fairy?"

Almost immediately I saw a blue ball of light appear from behind him.

"Holy shit!" I was in total awe. I still wasn't going to believe it. I grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him in close enough to reach his back. Feeling around I felt a piece of metal. I grabbed it and pulled, hearing the grind of metal against metal.

All the while I was doing this, Link was somewhat struggling, until I wrenched the sword out. He started to panic. He jumped off me and held his shield in front him in a defensive position. (At this point the sun is just barely peeking over the horizon so I can see better.) 

"Whoa man, don't freak out. I was just making sure that you really are who you say you are."

He lowered his shield somewhat and snapped, "Of course I am, why would I lie about something as stupid as that?"

__

Well let's see, first of all, you're an asshole. Second, you're a guy. Third, you say that you're a character from a freaking video game. Fourth... 

"I don't know, it just seems kind of unbelievable." I retorted. 

"Um... okay, what ever you think."

" Just shut up and leave me alone." I couldn't help but say. (I always have to have the last word with people:)

He walked back over to me, kneeled down and lightly touched my stomach. 

"Ouch!" I blurt out, noticing for the first time that there was caked blood surrounding a tear in my shirt. "What did you do to me?" I asked. 

This time I did see him blush. "I shot you." He struggled to get the words out.

"Great." I said sarcastically. 

"Well what were you doing out here in the middle of the night anyway?"

I thought for a moment. I internally grinned at the thought that came to mind.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Yes, I do."

"Do you really, really want to know?

"Yes." He said with clenched teeth. 

"Say please."

"Just tell me already!"

"Say please." I was enjoying this more than you'll ever know.

"Please."

"Oh all right, I am..." I paused.

"AM WHAT???"

"Patience m'dear."

"Oh, hell with patience, just tell me!"

"I am a goddess." 

*Alright I know the goddess thing probably doesn't make sense to you right now but don't worry, it will in the next chapter, if there is a next chapter. Hehehe. Also, I'd like to give out my thanks to all you people who wrote reviews. I didn't expect to get that many so quickly. Another thing, if you read my story and don't like it, I wanna know. I'm thick-skinned so don't worry about it. I just wanna know the truth about my writing. *


	3. Chapter 3

Author's note: This is to you piccolopixie, I know it's wrong to tell Link that I'm a goddess and I'm gonna let you in on a little secret: in the end he's gonna find out and he is going to be pissed. Oh yes, and one minor note to all you mushy goo goo-eyed girls: there are not going to be any romance scenes in this novel. The farthest it's gonna go is one kiss, and that's at, like, the very end. So go find a lemon somewhere else. 

Link crossed his arms over his chest, leaned to one side and gave me one of those looks that said, 'Do I look like some sort of dumbass to you?' He gave a sort of chuckling sigh and asked, "A goddess?"

The nervousness I was feeling showed in my voice, "Yes."

He began pacing back and forth like he was interrogating me. "Yea, and aren't goddesses immortal?

"Well yes."

"And when you're immortal you can't get hurt, right?"

"Well... right but... I uh... I."

He began to mock me, "I... uh... I... duh."

"Oh, shut up."

"You do have an explanation, don't you?" He had even more mockery in his voice.

"Actually I do."

"Then tell me."

"If you shut up for longer than two seconds I might be able to."

He just glared.

"Thank you, now let me see. I had to look normal to be able to help you out and..."

"You're going to help me?" He interrupted

"I'll explain that later, now just listen. ...and to look normal I had to take human form, which means I can bleed and the whole deal."

"I still don't believe you."

"That doesn't matter 'cause it's true."

"Prove it."

"Okay. Hmm where should I start?"

"It doesn't matter."

"I wasn't asking you, dimwit. I was asking myself."

"Excuse me."

"Alright, I know how I can prove it."

"How?"

"I'll tell you your life story. Let's see you thought you were a Kokori in your early years, only you were an outcast. You didn't have a fairy. Your only friend was Saria. Then one day the Deku Tree summons you..." I continued on until I finished the part about the seven-year nap. He knew there was no way I could've known that, unless I was really who I said I was. Hell, was he ever wrong. I was finally certain that he believed me.

__

Wonderful, now I have him in the palm of my hand. 

He then asked me, "So what is that thing you said about helping me?"

"Right, I was uh... sent here by the goddesses to um... help you on your quest. All you have to do is listen to everything I say and there will be no trouble."

"How are you gonna help me?"

"Uh I guess I'll give you some advice and _maybe_ I'll battle. If I feel like it."

He had that jeering look on his face again, "You, battle. Ha!"

"Watch it, you don't want to piss me off."

"Look, can we discuss the small details later. Right now we have to get to the village so..."

"Alright." I broke in. I was sick and tired of listening to his jaw flap. I sat up and yelped as I was painfully reminded of my "situation". I jerked back down as quickly as I had sat up. 

"... so we can do something for your wound." Link snickered. 

"You could've reminded me sooner, stupid!" I barked.

"Hey, I don't think I'm the stupid one here."

"Do you have no respect for a goddess."

"Not for one who doesn't have any respect for me."

I scowled at him. I knew that I had been beaten so that was all I could do to retain my dignity.

"Come on." He sighed as he bent down about to pick me up.

"I don't think so. I ain't being carried by no hot-shot warrior."

"How else do you expect to get anywhere."

"Well... uh I guess you could stand me up and then I should be able to walk on my own... I think."

Link kind of gave one of those coughing laughs as he moved behind me. He grasped me under my arms and lifted me up. I remained stiff in attempt to not disturb my laceration. Once I was standing I pushed away Link, who was still supporting me. I took one step but found myself crying out in agony and clutching the gash. I collapsed onto the ground groaning.

"I guess that didn't work." Link said, close to hysterical laughter. 

I gave him a nice view of my middle finger since I couldn't say the word at that moment. 

"That's it, you're getting carried whether you like it or not." He knelt by me and slipped his arms underneath me. Then he stood and started walking.

"No! Stop it!" I whined. I flailed my arms but was very quick to realize that doing that only caused extreme discomfort.

"No! Stop it!" he imitated. 

"Why do you always have to do that?"

"Why do you always have to be such a bitch."

"I thought you were supposed to be nice."

"I'll just put it this way, I'm a good actor."

"I am a goddess you know, I can put a curse on you with the snap of my fingers."

"Trust me Hun, the worst curse you can give to me right now is to keep on whining."

I was about to give him a verbal attack when I had an idea.

"Oh really." I grinned and gave him an evil gaze.

"What are you thinking?" His expression changed from amused to fearful.

I reached my arm around him and smacked his back. Almost immediately, a little blue light came out and started blabbering.

"Link did you do that? What was that for? Are you trying to kill me or something? I was trying to sleep but then you had to wake me. What the hell are you thinking? Sometimes I think you don't appreciate me enough. Do you know what I have to go through? If you don't start being nice, I'm just gonna pack up and leave. That's right I'll leave your stupid butt behind and start a life on my own. Without your stupid..."

Link glared at me and muttered, "Damn you."

"No, actually it's damn you since I have the right to say that and you don't." 


	4. 

At first I took pleasure in Navi being awake because she annoyed Link so much. But after ten minutes of her yapping non-stop I was a little fed up myself.

"Look at what you've done now." Link said. Navi would've heard but she was so deep in her complaining that almost nothing was going to shut her up.

"Yea, look at what _I've_ done! Bullshit! If you hadn't been rude to me this wouldn't have happened."

Navi paused, "Hey, who are you?"

"Jeez, I've only been here since you woke up. But then of course with the way your mouth was moving the f***ing apocalypse wouldn't have gotten your attention."

"What's an apocalypse?" Both Link and Navi asked at the same time.

"Never mind."

"You didn't answer my question." Navi complained.

"Which one?"

"Who are you?"

"I'm a goddess."

"Link, is she lying"

"Nope, she's a goddess alright. And an annoying one at that."

"Eat shit."

"Don't talk to Link like that."

"Make me."

"Guys, just shut up. You know we're gonna have to make some sort of compromise if this is going to work out." Link interrupted.

"Exactly what I was thinking. I know, you do whatever I say no questions asked."

"That's not what I would call a compromise, it sounds more like diplomacy to me." Navi concluded.

"Yea, well what sounds better, that or I just leave your sorry asses behind and forget about helping you."

"I think that's a little impossible, considering the fact that you can't even sit up." Link reminded me.

I stuck my tongue out at him, "Just because I'm stuck with you doesn't mean I have to help you."

"True, but once she drives you to the point of insanity you'll do anything to get her to shut up." Link informed me as he gestured towards Navi.

"Hey. I'm not that irritating."

Link and I both laughed.

"Not funny."

"I thought it was." I giggled

"Well... well... wait, what's your name?"

"My name? Well its uhm... its Chrisma."

"Gee, are you sure you didn't get hit in the head too." Navi tittered.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It only took you five minutes to remember your name." She said sarcastically.

"I was just deciding whether I should tell you my real name or not."

"Well, did you?" Link questioned.

"Why would I say no?"

"I was just wondering."

"Hey, speaking of wondering, I have a few questions myself."

"Okay then, shoot." Link said.

"I would if I had arrows."

"That's not what I meant."

"I know. But that is what I meant. Anyway, about my questions. Are we almost there?"

"Yes, actually it's right across that small river." He said pointing to a stream that wasn't two hundred feet away.

"Good. Now that that's answered here's your next question: What temple are you at right now?"

"How did you know about the temples."

"I'm a goddess, I know everything. Now what temple are you at?"

"I thought you knew everything" He smirked.

"I do but... I uh... argh! Don't test me!"

"Fine. I'm at the Water Temple."

"The beginning?"

"No, I'm stuck on my alter ego."

"You mean Dark Link?"

"Yes."

"Do you know how to beat him?"

"No, that's my problem. This damned fairy can't give me any advice worth shit."

"Hey! I wasn't kidding about leaving, you know." Navi guaranteed.

"You act like that's a bad thing."

"Hey mister, if it weren't for me you would have never gotten this far." 

"If it weren't for you, I would have never gotten into this mess in the first place." Link and Navi kept squabbling until I broke in. 

"I know how to beat him." 

"You do?" Link and Navi said simultaneously.

"Of course I do. The question is: am I gonna tell you?"

"Please I've been stuck on him for almost a month. I need to know."

It was my turn to laugh, "A month, a whole freaking month!"

"Almost a month." He grumbled while glaring.

I just glared back. "I might tell you. If I feel like being nice."

"When do you ever feel like being nice?"

"Watch it or I won't tell you."

I was too busy bitching at Link to notice that we were right outside Kakariko Village. When he started to climb the stairs I was startled from the incline.

"What the f***!" I sort of jumped which caught Link off guard and he dropped me. I landed in the worst possible way. My back was facing up and I had landed in just a way that the edge of a stair was embedded in my wound. "Oh great, just f***in' great! Look what you did, now it's bleeding again."

"Look what _I _did. You were the one who practically leapt out of my arms."

"Can you just SHUT UP and get me to someone who has enough mental capacity to _not _kill me."

He grunted but still followed my orders. He carried me into the village and up another flight of stairs that was to the left. From there we went up another flight of stairs and then he stopped in front of a small building. 

"Oh good the potion shop. So all we have to do is buy something and then I drink it and I'm all better, right?"

"I'm afraid it's not that simple."

"But it's that simple in the game." I blurted out without thinking.

"Game? What are you talking about?"

"Nothing. Forget I ever said it."

"Whatever."

We were in the shop, but he didn't walk to the counter. Instead he headed through a short, narrow hallway that brought us outside again. 

"Wait, weren't you going to take me to someone who could help?"

"No, I just told you that make you think I wanted to help. I'm really gonna through you down that hole with Navi so I can have some relief from nuisances for a while." He paused to see my reaction. I shot him a dirty look and he obviously found it very humorous.

After his amusement faded he added, "In all honesty, I am taking you somewhere where you'll be treated."

"Where?"

"Here." He replied as he walked up more stairs that lead to a building that I found quite familiar.

"No way. I am not going in there. That hag is a nut."

"You may be right about that last part, but you are going in."

"You have no right to do this. Put me down." I would've been struggling but I'd learned not to from the previous attempt to escape the evil clutches of Link. 


	5. 

He hauled

He hauled me into the pitiful little shop. All around the room were cauldrons with various colored liquids in them. I looked up to see a gaunt, old woman that looked like she hadn't bathed in a year. (Actually, considering the smell, I'm pretty sure that Link or any of those other people hadn't either, but she actually looked like it.)

The nauseating woman tilted her head upward to look at us. 

"Do you need something, young man."

"Yes, I um was wondering, do you have anything to help heal this wound?" He set me down on the counter.

She leaned over the counter and examined my stab that was still oozing blood. She turned around and pulled a box off one of the shelves that were in the back. She began rummaging through the box, "Hmm... let's see, I know it's here somewhere. Viola! This should do the trick." She said as she pulled a jar out. She took a piece of cloth out as well and dipped it into the jar. "Now I'll just apply this..." She saw the threatening expression on my face and turned to Link. "Why don't you do the honors, young man."

"Okay." He took the rag and looked at me. "Lift up your shirt." I didn't do anything. "Don't make me do it myself, cause I will."

I gave him a dirty look but still did what he said and lifted my shirt enough to expose the gash. He gently dabbed it with the cloth.

"Ahhhh, shit!" I screamed. Without thinking twice I swung my hand out and slapped Link across the face. "Damn, that shit hurts! Are you trying to kill me?!" I asked the lady.

"I know it stings but it's the best thing for it."

"Fine then, it's on. Can we leave now?"

"No, I believe there isn't enough on there yet. You'll have to put more on it." She said to Link who was still holding his face.

"Are you insane? There's no way I'm doing that again."

"And there's no way I'm letting him." 

"Don't you care about her health?" She was still talking to Link.

"Not particularly."

"I'm warning you. One more comment like that and I won't tell you how to beat Dark Link." I hissed.

"Okay, I do care. But that shouldn't make you to happy."

"Why not?"

He didn't say anything but instead grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head with one of his hands. 

"Hey! Let go!" I tried to pull them away but damn, that boy was strong. The thought of kicking him came to mind but I had more sense than that. To kick him I would have to practically reach my legs over my head, which wouldn't please my injury too much.

"No, I care about you too much." He said sarcastically. "If I wet you go, you wown't wet me make you awl bewter." He was talking baby talk. 

"You asshole! I swear I'll kill you." He didn't listen. He dipped the cloth in the jar and slowly brought it close to my wound. "No Link, don't! You have no idea how painful that is." He moved the cloth even slower. I could tell he loved the fact that I was starting to beg. "Link, please don't..." I was stopped by Link pressing the cloth, not-so-gently this time, onto the slash. I screamed but he still held it on, with enjoyment I might add. Finally the old lady told him that that was enough. He took it off. 

"Now let her go."

He gulped and hesitantly released his grip. I honestly would've let man meet fist at that moment but I was in too much pain to do anything.

The woman took out a roll of gauze and dressed my wound. Then she looked at Link and said, "Come here, young man." He walked over to her. "Give me your hand." He stared at her questioningly but gave her his hand nonetheless. She swiftly slashed his finger with a blade. 

"Ouch! What was that for?"

"If you think that hurts, just wait." She took the cloth and touched his finger with it. He jerked it away and cried out. He grabbed his finger and leaned over clenching his teeth. She grabbed his face so he was looking into her eyes. "Now see how much that hurts? I would think twice before you do something so immature again." She yelled 

I was astonished. I'd have never thought that a lady that old would do something so harsh, even though Link deserved it. 

He was a little more than slightly embarrassed and he hurriedly set some rupees on the counter, scooped me up and rushed out the door. Once outside and down the stairs he set me down against a wall and sat down quite a few feet away from me. I had a couple smart-ass comments I could have made but I figured he had been humiliated enough. 

After about fifteen minutes of occasionally glancing at me he casually asked, "Are you feeling any better?"

"I guess, sort of."

He took in a deep breath and managed to say what I'm sure he had been wanting to say for awhile. "Look Chrisma, I'm really sorry. I truthfully didn't know how painful that stuff was. I thought you were just being over-reactive."

"It's okay." I lied. 

__

Wait a minute. I'm lying to be nice? I'm always lying to be mean, but nice? That's it, I am officially losing my mind. 

Surprisingly enough, the medication worked very commendably. In a matter of hours I was able to walk without feeling any sort of discomfort whatsoever. Once Link was sure I could manage activity he took me to some kind of clothes shop that I didn't recognize as being in the game. Inside, he told me to sit down and wait. He talked with the guy at the counter for awhile and then motioned for me to come. I stood up and walked over to the counter.

Link said, "There's a tunic waiting for you in the back. You can change there."

"Who said I even needed one?"

He pointed at my clothes. "So, you really think that you're gonna get by with those?"

I looked down at them. I had never really noticed but they were tattered, frayed and torn. Plus, some of the tears weren't in very good places either. I had an immense number of rips on the ass of my pants and one huge tear on my shirt that partially revealed my bra. Mortified, I covered the cleavage that was showing and hastily walked to the back of the store. Afraid that someone might see me, I changed as quickly as possible then grabbed Link and dragged him out of the store to discuss something.

"White!" I yelled. "You bought me a _white _tunic!? Are you incredibly stupid or just blind? White is going to get dirty! White is going to stain! White will turn into reddish brown by the time this is over with!"

"Would you just chill for once in your life. It was the only thing I have left. Besides, what does it matter if it gets a little dirty?"

"Well obviously you wouldn't care since you never bathe!"

"I bathe!" He said defensively. "In fact, I just bathed last month. No wait that was swimming, wasn't it?"

"Argh!" I threw my hands up in the air and walked away. 

"Chrisma, wait." He ran up behind me and grabbed my shoulder. 

I flung it off. "Don't touch me!"

"Look, can't we just tolerate each other for the time being. I mean if you hate me so much then why don't you just leave."

"Do you think that if I had that option I would pass the chance of taking it?"

"You mean to tell me that as a goddess, you don't have that option?"

"No, I don't."

"Why not?"

I thought up a dramatic lie exceptionally quickly, "Those half-witted, leader goddesses made me come down here and they won't let me off this cursed planet until I help you save Hyrule."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

"What _do_ you realize?" I said, starting to conjure fake sobs.

He didn't answer; he only took me into a mild embrace. I wanted to kick him where it counts but I knew that it wouldn't be very realistic for a girl who was crying her heart out, to not want someone to be compassionate towards her. 

The real truth about having to stay with him, was that although I had played OoT many times before, I wasn't sure that I would be able to get around on my own. Also, I had a hunch that the only way out of the game was to beat it. Little did I know, I was way more accurate than I expected. 


	6. 

The next day we prepared to go to the Water Temple.

Link bought me some weapons that were "only to be used in an emergency." Like he thinks I'm going to listen to him. Ha! We spent nearly all morning getting together food, weapons, and first aid. 

__

Isn't it weird that time goes by normally. I mean, in the game a day is like _three minutes long. Here a day is 24 hours as far as I can tell. Plus, in the game you drink a potion or get a fairy and you are automatically healed. As I learned earlier, that isn't the case. And all the people look real, not animated. _

"Hello? Earth to Chrisma, come in Chrisma." Link was waving his hand in front of my face.(I have no idea if they're on Earth but let's just pretend they are.)

"Argh, you're disturbing my train of thought. Leave me alone." I started to walk away.

"But I have a question."

"Well hurry up and get it over with so I can think."

"Do you think the ocarina will transport us both, or do you think we'll have to foot it?"

I pondered the question for awhile. "That's a very good question. To be honest I have no idea. I guess we'll just have to try it and see, won't we?" 

"We're all ready so let's try right now. Come here."

"Why?" I already knew, but I felt like being annoying.

"Well, I don't believe it's going to work from that far away. You don't have to be a genius to figure that out."

"Obviously not, since you did." I muttered loud enough for him to hear.

"I heard that."

I grinned menacingly then walked until I was only a few feet in front of him.

"Closer." He said.

I grunted and scooted in some.

"I think there will be a better chance of this working if you hold on to me."

I felt like making some smart remark, but didn't. Instead I took his shoulders. He began playing and I cringed and moaned just to be rude. He gave me a quick glare before we were pulled into oblivion. Everything around was blue. Even Link had the light shining on him that made him look blue. I could see Hyrule zooming by below us. Not fifteen seconds from the time we left we landed in the middle of a flat, gray stone. I looked around in amazement. I had seen this all before in the game but it was different in person. Much different. 

"Wow."

"Cool isn't it?"

"Yea... uh I mean no. It sucks. It's ugly and cold and it's raining."

"Oh, come on, admit it. You agree with me for once."

"For once."

He chuckled. "Let's go."

"Go where?"

"Into the water." He motioned for me to walk to the edge of the tiny island-type-thingy. 

"What! We're just gonna jump in?"

"Yep."

"But it's cold. And I don't want to get wet."

"Goddesses! This is the _Water Temple_. Notice the word water. Notice water means wet."

"Just shove it!"

"If you get in I will."

"But it's such a long drop." I whined.

"Wah, wah, wah." He mocked. 

"When are you gonna treat me like the goddess I am."

"Oh, I'm sorry my dear. I forgot. I should treat you better. I'm such a bad boy for making you go to all that work. Here let me help you." He grabbed me around my waist from behind and held me over the edge of the island. This time I was able to struggle. And did I ever. I almost got away.

"Let me go! I'll kill you!"

"That's what you said last time." Were his final words before he let go.

I plunged into the icy water below. I struggled to reach the surface but my body refused to move. A few moments later I felt arms clasping around me and I was quickly brought to the surface.

"Are you all right?" He said as he swam us to the edge of the small pool.

"No, I'm not all right! The water is f***ing freezing! I can't even move." I gasped. 

"It's not that cold... Oh wait, I forgot something."

"Forgot what?"

"Well, the Zora tunic not only lets me breathe underwater, it protects me from the cold."

"You didn't forget that, you just didn't tell me until now."

"I know."

"You son of a bitch!" I said in an almost joking manner as I jumped on him and dunked his head under the water.

"Yea, you really can't move at all, can you." He teased. 

"Kiss my ass."

"No thanks."

"Can we just go in, already?"

"Gee, I've never seen someone so eager to risk potential death."

"I laugh at the face of death."

He grinned. "You know, you're the only person who's ever been able to make me laugh." 

__

Okay Link, your starting to scare me there buddy. Why are you looking at me so weirdly? Must...break....silence. Losing...mind. Ahhh!

"Let's go now. Wouldn't want to keep Hyrule waiting."

"Uhh right. Let me just slip these on..." He put on the iron boots. "Okay, let's go."

"What am I supposed to do?"

"Grab on and hold your breath."

"Oh great, just great."


	7. Chapter 7

Okay, here goes nothing

Okay, here goes nothing. Another chapter for all you wonderful peeps out there. I would like to give out my special thanks to Dragon Slayer. Thanx so much for your kind and compassionate review. I feel soooo loved. Well I guess I'll start the next chapter right now since most of you are probably like: Just shut up and get on with the story.

The next thing I knew we were at the surface of the water on the other side of the tunnel. I couldn't believe my eyes. The Water Temple looked more closely related to heaven than the hell that it was. The walls were covered in glistening reflections of light. The water had a tint of gold to it. (Okay I think I'm starting to sound corny. I'm sorry to all of you detail-lovers out there but that is just not my style.)

"Are you gonna move or are we just gonna sit here all day staring at the walls?"

"F*** off." I said bitterly as I pulled myself out of the water.

He rolled his eyes and climbed out as well.

I started to walk towards the end of the short hallway but Link stopped me.

"Let me lead. It could be dangerous."

"Okay mister hero who can't even win a fight against himself."

"Hey, myself is a pretty good fighter if you ask me."

"Yea, well nobody asked you."

"Look, can we just make a truce until we get outta here so we don't end up getting killed while engaged in an argument."

"Whatever. Truce." I held out my hand.

"Truce." He shook it. 

"'Kay, let's go." Link pulled out his bow and shot the Tektite that was patiently waiting on the surface of the water. We jumped in and swam to the door on the left. As we entered Navi shot out, flying to one of the Keese that hung onto the wall.

"Damn! I thought you were dead or something." I said.

"Nope. I was just taking a nap."

"You seem to do that a lot, lazy ass."

"Chrisma, come on. I thought we had a truce."

"Yea, I had a truce with _you_."

"Well it applies to her too. I would know how easy it is to die when you're having an argument with her."

"Of course you would, genius." I muttered under my breath.

Link killed both Keese and we walked to the edge across from where the waterfall-type-thingy is.

"Wait a minute, just exactly how do you expect both of us to get across there?" I asked.

"Actually, I hadn't thought about that."

"Why doesn't that surprise me?"

"Remember our agreement."

"Hey, I'm just stating the facts."

"Funny."

After another argument despite our armistice, we finally decided that if I got on him piggyback it might work. We came very close to being wrong. 

We both slid down the slanted stone wall until we reached the moving platform. From there I jumped onto his back. He waited for the platform to move to the point where he was close enough to use the hookshot. I heard him hold his breath as the hookshot latched on to one of the descending platforms and we were pulled across. Containing his air in was a bad idea since I constricted his neck so much on the way across that he couldn't get another decent breath until we were on the other side. As I looked up at the platforms above us I knew that it wasn't halfway over yet. At the rate the platforms were moving and the short distance we were from being dropped off into nothingness I knew that there was no way we were gonna make it with me interfering. So I did the unthinkable: I risked my life for someone else. I wanted him to move alone which would be much quicker and I knew he wouldn't leave me behind so I jumped upward reaching for the platform above us. It seemed impossible that I could ever make it and I didn't expect to, but I think I turned into a Michael Jordan clone or something. I made it to the platform above us. _Made it?_ Forget made it. I practically landed in the middle of it, while still standing! Link was in awe for a few moments but the realization of how soon he was going to die if he didn't move quickly hit him harder than a semi truck. I, Ms. Michael Jordan, was already at the top when he started moving. 

"Link, come on! Move your stupid ass!" I was actually beginning to get worried.

He finally reached the top and we turned toward the door with Navi close behind blabbering, "Link, are you sure you can trust this girl..."

"Ehem, goddess." I said.

"Yeah, whatever. Are you sure you can trust this _goddess_, I mean, how can you be sure that she even knows how to beat Dark Link?" 

"Hey, I know how."

"Prove it then. How _do_ you beat DL?"

"Why should I tell you?"

"Because I don't trust you."

"Well Link trusts me, and that's all I care about."

Link glanced at me curiously. "Go on, tell us. I'm not so sure that I trust you anymore."

"Ugh! For cryin' out f***in' loud, you people are all paranoid! Fine, I will tell you. You have to beat him with the spinning sword attack. The one that involves magic."

"Seriously, that's it?"

"Well, actually that's not everything you can do. If you feel like cheating, you can use Din's Fire."

"Cheating, what the hell do you mean by that? How do you cheat in a life or death situation."

__

Oh shit, I did it again. I've got to remember that this isn't a game anymore. 

"Nothing, it was a sad attempt at humor, that's all."

"Riiiight." 

We walked through the door and I was disappointed at what I saw. 

"Damn! I forgot about this room. I thought we were already at DL."

"Nope, not yet."

He pulled out his bow and shot all of the Tektites in the room. Then he shot the crystal, which turned red upon the impact. The dog head shaped statues and the water rose a few feet. (As most of you should know, the statues have to rise before you can hook onto them with the hookshot)

"Okay get on."

I hopped onto his back and he reeled us across with the hookshot. Then he turned around and shot the crystal again, causing the water and the statues to go back down. From there, he hooked onto the target on the wall. He climbed over the top of the statue that blocked the path. He shot the crystal for the third time and the water and statues rose again. He walked to the edge of the platform.

"Look out!" I cried. 

That startled him and we both went plunging into the water.

"What did you see?" He asked when we surfaced.

"You're gonna kill me when I answer that."

"What did you see?" He demanded through clenched teeth.

"Nothing, I just wanted to scare you." 

"For crying out loud girl, we have to start this room all over again because you played a joke." He was halfway asking halfway scolding.

"I guess so." I answered meekly.

"Ugh!"

We swam back to the platform by the door, which was the only place low enough for us to reach, then redid what we had already done. We finally reached the last platform. Link climbed on the statue with me on his back then hit the crystal one last time to make the statue rise while we were on it. The statue stopped at a room that was almost like a large, squared hole in the wall. We walked into that room and Link shot two Tektites, then killed that slug-like thing (what are those called? I forgot.) Finally made it to the room where DL was.

"Holy cows!" Just like the rest of the temple, this room was ten times cooler looking. 

"Yoo-hoo, wake up we have work to do." Link waved his hand in front of my face. 

"Alright, alright. I'm going." I swatted his hand and started forward. He caught up with me and stopped me.

"Hold up. You better let me lead."

"Grr, well if you're going to lead then hurry your ass up."

"Okay, chill already." He walked towards the center of the room. Suddenly, DL dropped out of nowhere and was he freaky or what. He was like twenty, no thirty times scarier than in the game. I screamed loud enough to shatter glass, which was definitely loud enough to piss Link off. He turned around and glared at me. That gave Dark Link the perfect chance to attack and he didn't pass it up. Instead of stabbing him, which he should have done but I'm glad he didn't because that would've killed Link or almost killed him and then I don't know where I'd be *gasp* Okay, to get back to the story, he didn't stab Link but instead slugged him a good one. Link was down on the floor and DL was standing over him, his sword raised above his head. I was totally panicked and having no idea how to use them, I pulled out my bow and arrows. I aimed at the center of DL's mass, pulled back, held my breath, and shot. The arrow pierced the air at an astonishing speed, causing a little whining noise. To my amazement, it hit right on target and perforated DL right in his side. He fell over and Link didn't hesitate in ending his existence, right then and there. Link looked up at me and breathed out a thank you before dropping to his knees.

"That's what fr... goddesses are for, ain't it?"

"Ugh, not that goddess thing again."

"Why not? Do you still not believe me?"

"Oh, no I believe you. I'm just saying you don't need to rub it in _all _the time."

"But how else am I supposed to be annoying?"

"Knowing you, I'm sure you'll find a way."

"That's it, you're dead." I said as I tackled him.

In about an hour, we were standing right outside Morpha's door. (I would've included the detail's in between but so many people are pestering me about getting this chapter done.)

I took in a deep breath and said, "Go right ahead."

He inhaled just as hard, if not harder, and unlocked the door. We slowly walked in to be greeted by the giant pool of calm water.

Link looked at me, "What am I up against, I don't see anything."

"The water."

"What!?" 

"The water has some sort of nucleus that makes it come alive. To beat it you have to pull out the nucleus with your hookshot, then hit it with your sword. Oh yeah, and be careful to keep the water away from you. Its favorite way to 'play' with heroes is to throw them against this lovely spiked wall." I hate to say it but I just loved the frightened expression he had when I said that.

"Well here goes nothin'." He jumped to one of the platforms in the water. Almost immediately the water formed into a tentacle. I cowered into a corner watching Link. Before, I had been unaware of how brave Link actually was. But seeing the real DL and Morpha completely changed that. I saw Link dodge and dash away from the flying growth of water. Link got a good distance away then grabbed the hookshot. Almost the instance it was out he shot. It hooked on to the nucleus, dragging it out of the water. Link clasped his sword and slashed the beast again and again.

"Link, I think it's dead." My voice had more than a hint of 'duh' in it.

"Just making sure." He laughed.

Over his shoulder I noticed that all the water was gone and a blue light was emitting from the empty pool.

"Come on, let's go." I said motioning for him to come with me to the source of the light. He followed me into the pit. We both stood in the center of the circle of light. We floated upwards encased in a blue crystal. Link raised his arms above his head like he always does in the game. 

"Why do you do that?" I asked.

"I don't know. I guess 'cause it looks cool."

"Oh."

I recognized our new surroundings as the Chamber of Sages. My reaction to this was the same as it had been to everything else. I was amazed at the coolness. Ruto started talking to Link and I was already sick enough of her from the game so I didn't bother to pay attention. Soon enough I noticed Rauru waving me over to where he was standing. I walked there acting uninterested but I was wondering what he had to say.

"I know." He whispered.

"Know what?"

"I know what you're doing to Link. I know that you're lying to him."

This surprised me but I pretended that it didn't really matter much. "That's right, I am lying to him. And I hope that soon he trusts me so much that I can dump him somewhere and convince him that I'll be back, then 'forget' about him and find a way out of this damn place."

"I wouldn't do that if I were you."

"Why not."

"Because, the only way you're getting "out of this damn place" is to help Link destroy Ganondorf."

"What!? Are you f***ing crazy!?" 


	8. Chapter 8

AN: I have a few words for you Alexis: I would've included the details if a few people (including you

I know this is a really short chapter but I wrote it in ten minutes so just give me a break. I promise to have the next chapter up soon and once that one is up the following two chapters are going to be very interesting. Can you say romance? Can you say GAG ME! Sorry, it's just that I hate that stuff. Luckily it's not anything kissy-kissy or anything like that. Just their thoughts about each other and shit like that. 

Link turned and gave me a questioning look. I kind of shrugged my shoulders smiled innocently. He rolled his eyes and mouthed, "Shut up, will ya!"

"You!" I mouthed back. Rauru got my attention by swiftly whacking me in the back of my head. "Ouch! What the hell did you do that for!?"

"Pay attention!"

"I will do what I wish, thank you."

"Argh! I don't understand why Link shot you."

"Yea me neith..."

"He should've just killed you."

"Ugh! That is it! Come on Link we're leaving!" I grabbed Link's arm and dragged him towards the exit. (Okay, I know there isn't an exit but let's just pretend. Okay? Okay:)

"Wha... but wait, I didn't get the medallion."

"Like I give a shit!" At this point Link relented from fussing. He just rolled his eyes again and waved goodbye to the sages as I dragged him out. I was about to tell him something when Sheik suddenly popped out of nowhere.

"Oh goody, it's the priss." I said sarcastically under my breath.

'Sheik started talking that poetic shit and I was like, 'Somebody shoot me, please. Hurry before I have a mental breakdown.' When "he" was gone I looked at Link and said, "You really don't know who that is, do you?"

"No, of course not, do you?"

"I told you, I know everything."

"Tell me!"

"No, I can't, I'm not allowed."

"Says who?"

"Says common sense, doof! If I told you, Ganondorf would have some way of hearing and then there might be trouble."

"Well, just tell me this, is it someone I know?"

"Of course it's someone you know. You know everyone in Hyrule!"

"No I don't. If he was really just a sheikah, then I wouldn't know him."

"Yea, but if it was just a sheikah than what would the big secret be. That's all you've ever assumed that it was."

"Why do you keep on saying it? Wait a minute. Sheik's a girl, isn't he?"

"Well let's hope _he's_ not a girl."

"You know what I mean. But is it really a girl."

"I think the answer already presented itself."

"Okay so it is a girl. But who exactly?"  


"I'm not telling you. Don't even ask me again 'cause you won't get an answer."

"Alright, alright. But I do have a different question."

  
"What?"

"Where do we go from here?"

"Kakariko Village."

"But we were just there."

"I know, but you'll be surprised to find that it has changed a lot." 

__


	9. Chapter 9

AN: This is to that stupid bitch who dissed my story.  
Dear Stupid Bitch,  
I don't know where you got the idea that I wanted to bonk him but obviously it wasn't from me since I never said that. It must have been those perverted voices in your head, right. Besides, the character in the story is not me, and even if she had felt that way, and even done something like that it doesn't mean that I want to. It would've been the same as me writing a story from Zelda's POV only you wouldn't have reviewed and told me that I was gross if I'd written that. Just do me a favor and think before you assume because you know what happens when you assume: you make an ass out of u and me. (And especially out of u when u piss me off and I make bitchy comments about u in my story:)

We headed to Kakariko village and about halfway there Link looked at me and said, "So what's changed so much?"

"I guess you'll have to wait and see, won't you?"

"Come on, just tell me something from the future for once."

"I can't, I'm not allowed to."

"Says who?"

"Din and Nayru and Fayore."

"Do you always have to listen to them?"

"Of course, they're the leader goddesses."

"Do they get annoying?"

"No, actually they're pretty nice if compared to me."

"Yea, but Ganondorf is nice when compared to _you._"

"Shut up!" Instead of our arguments being the kind where you're at each other's throats like they used to be, they were more good-natured and joking-like.

As we started up the staircase leading to Kakariko village I inhaled deeply. I wasn't sure exactly how Link would handle it. I mean, I had seen his reaction in the game and everything, but this was real life and these were real people with real emotions. It was also a lot easier to get injured in real life. I feared for Link's safety as much as I wouldn't admit it at the time.  
We rounded the corner and went up the next flight of stairs. I could feel sweat start to trickle on my face. I had no idea why I was so worried. I hadn't even been this nervous in the Water Temple. I watched Link as he saw 'Sheik' and ran over to 'him', I wasted no time in following.

"Link, back off!" I heard Sheik yell. (I don't remember Sheik's exact words, so bear with me.)

Suddenly the top of the well blew off and I could hear the invisible presence whipping through the air. Sheik held a defensive position, but to no benefit as she was lifted from the ground and flung back down. I suppose Link ran to her as he did in Oot, but I can't be sure since I was too busy looking at the violet and black mass that was flowing over the hillside. I noticed Link pull out his sword and shield, preparing to face the beast.

I knew exactly what was going to happen next. It was what I had feared for the past hour.

"Link no! Run!" I screamed but that damn boy has too much pride and bravery; he didn't pay attention to me, just stood there, strong, brave, like the moron he is. Soon enough I saw the details that the game blacked out. And I'm telling you; they made a wise decision in doing that because if they hadn't the game wouldn't have been rated E. Not hardly. Both I and Sheik ran to him at the same time. I first looked at Link to see if he was all right.

"Not bad for how much that thing beat the shit out of him." I said referring to the few scratches and bruises that were visible. Sheik looked up at me; it was evident that she was trying to conceal the tears welling up in her eyes. I placed a hand on her shoulder. "It's okay, cry if you want. I know who you are."

"And I you."

"You do?"

"Yes."

"But how?"

"Almost every one of Link's friends knows who you are, what you're doing, where you're from. You shouldn't hide the truth from him, Christina."

"Don't say my name, he might hear you."

"I might hear what?" Link murmured, rubbing his eyes.

"You're awake." Sheik said. It seemed to distract Link from the question and for that I was grateful. 

Link took his gaze away from Sheik and saw me. "AAAAHHHH!"

"What, what?" I was afraid that there was something behind me.

"Oh, gosh. I got scared for a minute. When I first woke up I thought I was in heaven, but then I saw you and feared I had gone to hell."

"You bastard." I said as I gently punched him in the side.

"Ow ow ow ow." He held his side.

"Ooh sorry. Let me see that." I looked through a tear in his tunic and saw a little abrasion. "You big baby, that's just a tiny bruise. I thought heroes were supposed to be tough." I poked the blemish with my finger and he glared at me.

"Come on children, let's all be nice and get along."

Link looked at Sheik skeptically and said, "Are you a girl?"

Sheik gaped at Link then me. "You didn't tell him, did you?"

"No, he figured it out relatively on his own."

  
"Relatively?"

"Well I was referring to you as "it" rather than "he", and Link realized this and came to the right conclusion."

  
"But he doesn't know exactly who I am, does he?"

"Oh no, he has no idea."

Link came into our conversation, "She's Zelda, ain't she?"

"Shit." I sighed.

"Let's just hope Ganon didn't..." Of course with my luck Ganon did hear and, well let's just say buh-bye Zelda. Link was pounding on the pink crystal that encased her. I watched as the crystal floated away, disappearing into the clouds. "See ya soon." Was all I could say.

Link shot me an angry look. "Why didn't you try to help her?"

"Because, the only way to help her is to kill Ganondorf, not pound on the goddess damn crystal ya moron."

"Well excuse the f***ing shit out of me, at least I was doing something."

"Something that would never work."

"How the hell do you know?"

"How many times do I have to say this? I know everything. Every f***ing thing."

"Then tell me this: How do we get Zelda back?"

"We have to beat the other Shadow Temple first.(Link has already beaten the Spirit Temple.) Then we kill Ganon and then Zelda is back."

  
"But we can't wait that long. Zelda has to come back now."

"Now you're whining like a baby."

"I am not."

  
"Yes, you are. Now chill and listen. We need to go to the Shadow Temple and... oh shit."

"What?"

"To get to the Shadow Temple you have to know the Nocturne of Shadow."

"The whooda, whata, whera?"

"The song, stupid."

"Well, how am I supposed to know?"

"Look, it doesn't matter. What matters is that we need that song and we don't have it." 

"Great, what do we do now?"

"Wait, I think I know the song."

"You do? Well what is it?"

"Hold up. Let me think a minute."

~ TEN MINUTES LATER ~

"I think it's been longer than a minute."

"Shut the f*** up."

"You."

"Hey, I'm not the one who said who Sheik was after I had been told not to, by a freaking goddess!"

"Okay so I made a mistake. There's no use in bitching about it or anything for that matter."

  
"I'm not the one who started this argument, moron!"

"Oh yeah... but still..."

"But still what?!"

"Jeez, look who needs to chill now."

  
"Well excuse me for thinking that a hero would have more than two working brain cells."

"I'm a hero, not a rocket scientist."

"Ugh! Just shut up before you rub off on me."

"Alright, alright."

"Hey!"

"Sorry."

"No, it's not you. I think I figured it out."

"Okay, then what is it?"

"Uh... first it's the left arrow, then the right twice. Um next is A, then left, right and down."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Oh, whoops!"

__

Nice going Einstein, he has an ocarina not a controller. It's too late, he's already rubbing off on me; I've become an idiot.

"Uh... I mean that hole, then that one, this, that, that one, that one, and last is this one.

"Okay, I hope you're right."

"Of course I'm right, I'm always right."

"Oh please."

"True, I'm not always right, I made a mistake when I met you."

Link didn't answer that. He just put the ocarina to his lips and began to play. Sure enough, the same thing happened that happened when he played the Serenade of Water. Except we were surrounded by purple light, not blue. We weren't even in it for five seconds before we landed since the Shadow Temple was so close.

"Here we are."

"Really?" Link said, his voice dripping with sarcasm.

"I'm not talking to you, I'm just thinking out loud."  
  
"You seem to do that a lot."

"Just shut up."

We entered the door. Link looked at me and asked, "So what do I do?"

"Are you a complete fool or did I just catch you on an off day. I don't know how you ever survived without me."

"Happily."

"Link, you moron, just look around you. There is a circle of torches. Whoever made this place was a pyre-maniac, so whenever you see a torch, you light it. And just exactly how do you think you would light this many torches in one _simple_ action?"  
  
"Din's fire?"

"We have a winner! Now get you dumb ass in there and do it."

"What, I have to go alone?"

"If I go in there with you, I'll get killed by the fire, moron!"

"Why am I a moron? That was the plan."

"Well, if that was your plan then you are a moron, since you won't be able to beat Ganondork (in case you're wondering, I spelt it that way on purpose:) without my help."

He rolled his eyes and sauntered into the room mumbling, "I thought Navi was annoying."

"I heard that."

"You were supposed to." 

He stepped onto the pedestal and used the magic to light all of the torches and sure enough, the door opened.

"Okay, let's' go."

As we walked down the hallway I stopped in my tracks.

  
"Oh shit."

"What?"

"I forgot something."

"What?"

"You need the lens of truth."

"Oh, you mean this thing." He reached behind himself and from seemingly nowhere, pulled out the lens of truth.

"Yeah, where'd you get that."  
  
"Some crazy old guy gave it to me."

"Um... okay. Do you know how to use it?"

"I have no idea."

"Figures. Alright, I think you just hold it in front of your face, but only when you need it 'cause it uses magic."

"Gotcha."

"And you won't be needing it very much 'cause I know this place like the back of my hand."

"Okay."

"Anyway, let's keep on moving. Right here, just pretend that the freaky face thing isn't there because it really isn't, it just looks like it is."

We walked straight through the freaky face thing that made the hall look like it came to an end.

"Okay, what do we do here?"

"Follow me."

I led him through the grim reaper thing that looked like a decoration on the wall but really hid a separate hallway. Next I took him through that weird maze of talking grim reaper hall blockers until we entered the door that led to the room with all the hands sticking out of the ground. 

"This doesn't give me a good feeling." Link said. "What do I do?"

  
"You're not gonna believe me but you have to let one of the hands grab you."

"What?!"

"Trust me."

"Do you think I'm crazy? You're just trying to get rid of me."

"No Link I'm not." I looked into his eyes. "I promise you. Just trust me."

He must have seen that I was telling the truth in my eyes or something because he just sighed and said, "Okay." Then he started walking towards the hands.

"Wait!"

"What?"

"When the hand grabs you, you have to try and get away immediately. Then there should be some sort of zombie thing that has already come out of the ground that hopefully doesn't reach you until you've gotten away. All you have to do is slice it with your sword a few times and it'll die."

"Alright."

"Good luck."

He turned around and smiled at me. And you'll never believe what I did next. I actually smiled back at the dumbass. And there was real emotion behind it too. I can't believe I really, truly did that. I must have broken one of my morals. Yep, smiling at guys is definitely against _at least_ one of my morals. Okay, never mind, forget I ever said that. I just feel like being weird and hyper today. Anyway, to get back to the story since I'm trailing off _again_:

Link hesitated right before he came within reach of one of the pale claws. He swallowed so hard I could see it and hear it, even as far away as I was.

__

My gosh, I can't believe how brave he is, and handsome. My gosh, I can't believe I just thought that. My gosh, I'm losing my mind. My gosh, if I keep on saying my gosh I'm gonna kill myself because that's probably against one of my morals too. My gosh, I just looked at his ass! That is DEFINITELY against one of my morals. Holy shit! I just looked at the side opposite of his ass! What in the name of all that is good and holy is happening to me?!

AN: That was purely for humor. I have never looked at Link's ass or... the other thing and I never intend to.  
(I just figured I should say that since some people, I won't mention names *cough*gurlgone*hack*, excuse me, I seem to have had something in my throat. To continue with what I was about to say: since some people take everything I put into this story seriously. What, do you think I'm in love with a video game character ya moron. I may be pathetic but I haven't sunk that low. No offense to anyone who has but you gotta admit, it is kind of sad if you think about it. ) Anyhow, talk to ya later. I got a story ta write.

Link let the demon hand grab him and, just as I had instructed, immediately tried to break free. I watched as the zombie flew out of the dirt and slowly advanced to where Link was still trapped in the bony fingers. I closed my eyes as the beast lunged it's head back prepared to suck the life out of the terrified hero.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! I left you on a cliffhanger. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! And you know what the worst part is: I'm not posting anything until next week! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Okay, I just had to get that out of my system. I actually hadn't planned on doing this. I had planned on covering the whole Shadow Temple in this chapter. It's just that I'm leaving for a trip tomorrow and I have to get up early and it's like midnight right now so I had to get this posted right away. Otherwise you would've had to wait another week for CH 9 so I decided to be nice and break it in two. Didn't turn out being very nice did I? Since I left it on a cliffhanger I'll tell you something. Link doesn't die. Duh! I mean who didn't already figure that out? Well anyway, see ya'll next week.


	10. Chapter 10

Okay, I went to the site that I luv link recommended and I have to know: How the hell can gurlgone classify it as a Mary Sue? Mary Sue's are when the character is a self-insertion that is bright and cheery and loved by everyone. Oh yeah, Christina definitely fits that description. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! She may be a partial self-insertion but you can't make a realistic character unless a part of the author's personality is mixed with the character's. And if there is anyone that actually thinks that Christina is bright, cheery and loved by everyone, please do yourself and the world a favor by shooting yourself. We have enough idiots on this planet already without you. (I'm sorry if you're getting fed up with the bitching at the beginning of every chapter but I always have to prove that I'm right so I don't look like a damn fool.)

Disclaimer: I decided to put one of these up just in case someone with too much time on their hands decides to sue me: I _do _own Zelda and all of the characters involved. Yep, sure do. Oh yeah, and did I mention that I'm a chronic liar? No wait, that was a lie. And just in case there's someone who reads this that has a _very_ large amount of time on their hands, here's the real thing. Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters in this fic except Chrisma/Christina. I do not own the game Zelda (well, technically I _own_ it but unless you're one of the people who should have shot themselves already, you get what I mean.) 

I couldn't help but take one last glance at Link before he died, err… before I thought he was going to die. But Link did something that would've been impossible in the game; he pulled out his sword and thrust it into the zombie. He couldn't aim very well (its pretty obvious why.) so it didn't kill the demon but it stalled enough that Link was able to break away. The zombie was already back underground and Link looked towards me with a questioning gaze.

"You are so gonna hate me for this" I answered.

"No way, I am not doing that again!"

"It's the only way your gonna get the hover boots."

He thought for a moment, then a slight grin spread across his face. "It's not the _only_ way."

"Don't even think about it."

"How do you even know what I'm thinking?"

"I'm not as stupid as you and I know all the ways for revenge in the book."

  
"It's not revenge, there is no possible way for you to get hurt."

"Yes, there is. Besides, no matter what you say I'm not gonna do it."

Of course, ten minutes later I had an undead hand gripping my head as Link waited for the beast to come up. Sure enough, it did but instead of coming up on my right side, where Link was standing, it came up on my left. Link didn't notice it, but my screaming changed that. It was so close to killing me that I could smell it's breath. It's a wonder that that didn't kill me. Anyhow, Link stuck it in the back with his sword and I can't remember the rest since I passed out from fear.

I woke up to see Link standing over me. When he saw me conscious he didn't pass up the chance to screw with me.

"Aww, did the widdle gurl get scaweded?" There was his damn baby-voice again. 

"F*** off, asshole."

"You're so funny when you get mad." He started laughing, and I pretended to laugh along with him. Then I punched him in the face.

"Ah shit, what was that for?"

"What the hell do you think it was for?"

"Jeez, that hurt."

"Yeah, well it also hurt to have claws as big as my hand, digging into my head."

"But that really hurt."

"Look who's being the baby now."

"Could we work out some sort of truce?"

"You always say that and then you start an argument."

"I do not."

"Do to."

"Do not."

"Do to."

"Do not."

"Grrr, this isn't getting us anywhere."

"Finally, the lantern turns on in your head."

"Hey, I'm trying to make an agreement. Don't make me change my mind."

"Whoa, she's actually going to get along for once. This I gotta see."

"Link!"

"Sorry."

"Let's just go. We don't have time to screw around."

"I agree with you, for once."

He grabbed the hover boots and we finally found our way out.

"So, uh, what do we do now."

"Let me think for a minute."

"Remember what happened the last time you said that."

"I don't have to help you, you know."

"Yes you do and you know it. Besides, if you were gonna leave you would've done it already."

"Shut up or I'm gonna take longer."

"How can you take longer than forever?"

"Do you wanna get punched again?

That shut him up.

~ TWO MINUTES LATER ~

"Okay, I've got it. Use the Lens of Truth to see which one of those torches actually is a torch. Then aim the stone bird thing at it and the door should open."

He did as I said and then the door opened.

"Okay let's go."

"Um, one problem, Link."

"What?"

"How am I supposed to get across the gap?"

"Easy, I'll put on the hover boots, you get on my back and I run across."

"But to reach the other side in time you have to roll."

"Then I guess you'll have to hold on tight."

"You're just trying to see how far you can go without killing me, aren't you?"

"Oh, come on. It's not like your gonna get hurt."

"That's what you said last time."

"And last time you didn't get hurt."

"Yea but you saw how close I came."

"You still didn't get hurt."

"That's not the point."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

"You know, if I answered that we'd be here all day."

"Would you just trust me?"

"No, besides, I'm the goddess, I get to choose what we do and don't do."

"Alright then, Ms. Goddess, what do you propose we do?"

"I… uh… I… we."

Link crossed his arms over his chest.

"Okay, okay, you win. But if I die, I will make your life miserable when I come back."

"When you come back?"

"Well… uh, if I die those stupid goddesses will probably make me come back."

"Oh. How unfortunate."

I didn't answer him. I just wanted to start moving and get the whole damn thing over with. And that's what I did. Link obviously caught on to the fact that I was not in the mood for arguing because he followed without another word. I got on his back and he rolled across. I deeply sighed from relief when we made it but I didn't say anything to Link and he didn't say anything to me. We continued walking until we reached a door.

"Dammit, it's locked."

"I guess that means we'll have to go back and find the key then."

"Hold up. I have an idea." I took a pin from my hair and stuck it in the lock. I fumbled around for awhile, then when that didn't work I pulled the Swiss Army knife from my shoe. I laughed internally at the lack in reaction from Link. Anyone from home would've freaked if they knew I carried that. Link just acted as if it were an everyday thing. Of course it was for him, but I still found it funny. Suddenly my train of thought was broken when I heard a click. I pulled the knife out and the chains immediately disappeared. "Oh yeah, I'm good." I started to walk down the hallway and Link caught up with me.

"Wait, how did you open the lock without a key?"

"You are one of the biggest dipshits I know."

"Hey, you didn't pick it did you?"

"Naw, of course not. Why would I ever do something to speed up the process of getting our asses out of here."

"But isn't that practically breaking an entry?"

"You should know all about that, Link. You only do it 24/7."

"What are you talking about?"

"You are constantly just barging into people's houses."

"Yeah but they don't have a problem with it."

"And why would you care if Ganondorf had a problem with you breaking an entry?"  
  
"This place belongs to Ganon?"

"You are such a moron."

I know, I know. I didn't finish the whole Shadow Temple but I had to keep my promise of posting something today. I honestly don't know how many more chapters of the Shadow Temple there'll be, but I'm not counting on the next chapter being the last one. I see that a lot of people that like this story are copying me. Don't worry about it, I don't give a f***. Unlike most people I take it as a compliment when people do that. It makes me feel like I came up with a good idea. Oh yeah, I've got to advertise my new business:

Want to look like an idiot in front of all the people on FF.net, but you're to much of an idiot to figure out how?

Well, worry no more. Here at Imabitch Inc. we take care of the hassle for you.

No cost, just one simple phone call is all you need to become a highly certified, professional jackass.

That's right, just one simple phone call and you could be on your way.

1-800-dissmystory

Waste no time in picking up that phone and calling right now. 


	11. Chapter 11

Okay, someone else decided to become a customer. JH897, who's the bigger fool, the fool who writes the story, or the fool who doesn't like it but reads the whole damn thing anyway? You obviously have too much time on your hands. Don't take it out on me that you don't have a life. You know, I don't get why people flame my story. Are there really that many people that want to be jackasses? Or are people just trying to hurt my feelings? Well guess what, I don't really give a f*** if you don't like my story. I don't have feelings to hurt so there's no point in trying. 

AN: I know this is really really really short but I just wanted everyone to know that I'm still writing. I've just got a really bad case of writer's block that I can't shake. 

We continued to walk down the hall. I stopped because of the thought pounding in my conscience that there was some sort of hidden enemy. That was when it hit me.

"Link, stop. There's a..."

"AAAAHHHHH!!!!"

"...Skulltula."

He flew into the wall and the creature stopped spinning. I sighed and hesitantly stabbed it in the back. Link shook his head as he got up.

"Dammit, I hate those things."

"Yeah. Be careful, there's more."

"You knew it was there?"

"Well, I remembered just as it landed on you."

"Yeah, sure. You're just trying to get me killed."

"If I wanted you dead then you would've been a llllooonnngg time ago." 

He didn't answer, he just walked on. But I was almost certain I could hear him mutter, "Annoying bitch." 


	12. Chapter 12

I know it's been a really long time since I updated but my Internet service was f***ed up for awhile

I know it's been a really long time since I updated but my Internet service was f***ed up for awhile.

So we came to the end of the hall without anything too interesting happening. However, at the end of the hall I forgot about the wall master until I saw a dark shadow on the floor around Link. 

"Link, hand-grabby-thingy on ceiling!"

"It's called a wall master."

"Who cares what it's called, asshole. There's one above your head!"

"WHAT!!!"

I don't know how he did it so fast but right before the hand-grabby-thingy... I mean WALLMASTER grabbed him he held his sword above his head and the WALLMASTER landed right on it. Then it died. (nah, really?)

"Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"

"I tried to but you had to fix my "politically incorrect" statement. Besides, who's the hero? Who's supposed to realize that they are about to get an ass whooping? Who..."

"Alright I was wrong."

"Whoa, he finally admits it."

"Anything to stop your bitching."

"HEY!!!" He started walking and I ran after him. Before I could catch up he rolled underneath the guillotine blade.

"Wait, I can't get through this thing by myself!"

"Whoops, guess you'll just have to stay behind. What a pity."  
  
"Fine", I crossed my arms over my chest, "but don't come running back to me when your head is split open and your arm is sticking out of your ass."

He smiled and said," I was just kidding." He rolled back underneath and looked over at me. "Now it's all about timing."

"Like I didn't already guess that brain-teaser."

"Shut up and listen. As I was saying, it's all about timing. But the blade moves faster than you think, so you have to time ahead. You have to go when the blade just starts to lift off the ground. Go ahead, try it."

I gave him one of my looks.

"Alright. Be a wuss. I'll go with you. Here, take my hand." He offered his hand to me and I took it. Call me weird but I felt like I had zillions of butterflies swarming around in my stomach. I swallowed really hard and shook my head to brush off the lightness. It didn't work. (Excuse me while I go hurl. Yuck, I hate those parts but I made the mistake of calling this a romance so I guess it's my own damn fault.) I bit my bottom lip to keep from giggling. He looked at me as though I was the most beautiful thing in the world. (Bbbbllllleeeeechhhh hhhuuuuurrrrrrlllll gggggaaaaagggg. Gross, I can't believe I'm writing this shit. Mmmuuusssttt ssstttoooppp nnnooowwwwwwww.) The sudden realization of what I was doing nailed me quickly. I turned my gaze away from him and towards the blade.

"Come on, let's move."

He had a really confused look on his face but he didn't say anything. He just kind of shrugged it off. 

"Okay, we'll go on three. One, two, three..."

We both rolled forward. I sprawled out flat on my back. I thought I was okay until I heard a strange sound when the blade dropped. Kind of like scissors cutting hair...

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeekkkkkkkkkkkk!!!"

"What?!"

I picked up a handful of chopped hair and showed him the mangled mess on the back of my head. 

"My hair!" I squealed. 

He started cracking up.

"What is so funny?"

He brushed away the tears that were forming underneath his eyes and sighed, "Don't worry about it. It looks better that way. HAHAHAHA!!!"

"Oh, very funny, bitch."

"Jeez, it's not like it's a big deal. I don't think Ganondorf is going to care about your hair."

"People at home are going to care!"

"People at home? I thought that when you went home you wouldn't have that body. And goddesses are the ones at home, not people, right?" 

"Well, I uh... I meant... what I was saying was... the goddesses- I call them people- they'll probably tease me about it forever."

"Oh, okay." He raised an eyebrow skeptically. 

"Uh, we better get going."

  
I hate to be non-descriptive about it but there wasn't much else that went on during the "blade session." Each time we rolled through he held my hand and each time I felt like my stomach was going to explode from all the butterflies in it (yuck!). He carried me on his back when we had to go across the gaps. With me leading we soon got to the door. It was locked of course but I did the same thing as before (If you don't remember you're a moron but I'll tell you anyway. I picked it with the Swiss Army knife I hide in my shoe.) We entered the next room cautiously.

And that's all folks. See you next episode. Don't forget to review- even if you've done it already I'll still appreciate the effort. 


	13. Chapter 13

The door swung wide open

The door swung wide open. I almost gagged as the extreme scent of death filled my lungs.

"Where do we go now?" Link asked.

"I think you need to push that block," I pointed to it, "over to there." I hacked.

"Over where?" 

"Push it along the path, stupid."

Link mocked a cat hiss as he walked behind the block.

"Well, aren't you going to help me?"

I let out an exaggerated, dramatic sigh and said, "If I must." I walked to where he was.

"Ready, push." 

We both leaned into the block and pushed forward. Surprisingly, the block moved much faster than it did when it was just Link pushing it. Of course, I didn't pass up the chance to rub it in.

"Gosh, Link, as slow as you push it by yourself you'd think it weighed a ton. You're so pathetic."

"Put a sock in it, you annoying piece of crap," he laughed.

I gasped. "You didn't just call me annoying, did you?"

"Annoying, annoying, annoying," he teased.

I ran up and jumped on his back and gave him a noogie.

  
"Oooowww!" he whined. 

"Stop being such a crybaby. For someone that's had his ass kicked as many times as you I'm surprised you haven't gone totally numb."

"Ass kicked? Me? Ha, I believe you are mistaken, miss. Link never has his ass kicked. Link kicks ass."

"Well okay Mr. Ass Kicker, let's see if you can keep your rep. as good with Bongo-Bongo. Now he's a tough guy to beat. I bet you'll be the one with the ass kicked."

"Maybe if you get off my back we can find out."

We climbed the block and walked onto the ship.

"So, what do I do now?"

"Come on, Link, you're not _that _dumb, are you? I mean, there is a Triforce symbol on the floor. And a Triforce symbol means you have to play..."

"Zelda's lullaby."

"Right. Now move!"

He played the lullaby and the ship lurched forward.

"Whoa," he said while flailing his arms trying to regain his balance.

"Aren't warriors supposed to be prepared for anything?"

"Well... yes but... uh... you distracted me."

  
"Uhuh, sure."

"Chrisma! Behind..."

But it was too late. Once again I had forgotten about enemies. The Stalfos swiped it's huge arm across my stomach to get me out of the way. The wound that was almost completely healed was now open again and wider than it had been before. I fell into a heap on the wood. I could barely sense anything but the faint figure of Link slashing his sword out at the Stalfos. Before I knew it he was next to me, holding me close. 

"Link," I breathed, "you have to get off the ship. It's going to fall soon and you'll die if you don't go."

"I'm taking you with me."

"You can't; you could never make the jump while holding me."

"I won't leave you."

"Link, I'm a goddess. I can come back. I promise I'll come back."

Now, I don't know what the hell I was thinking. I knew I couldn't come back. If he left me I would die and that would be the end of it. I guess I couldn't let him die. Maybe I just loved him too much.

Navi flew out and screamed for Link to get off the ship. I knew then that it was now or never. 

"No, you won't die like this."   


*^*^*^*^*^*  
I was surprised to hear him say that. I had expected heroes to be those "every man for himself" types. But then, maybe I interpreted "hero" the wrong way. Maybe being a hero isn't about killing beasts and winning the trophies. Maybe a hero is someone who puts others before himself. Just maybe. 

*^*^*^*^*^*

He lifted me into his arms, ran to the edge of the ship, and jumped. I held my breath. As we sailed through the air everything moved so slowly. It was like time standing still. I looked down at the darkness below. But I wasn't afraid. At that very moment I knew that we would make it. And we did. I let out my breath tediously as he set me down. He leaned forward and rested his hands on his knees. He looked at me.

"Are you alright?"

"No, not particularly."

"Look, the only way out of here is for me to beat Bongo-Bongo. So are you going to be okay alone?"

"We don't have much of a choice, do we?"

"Well, I guess not. Can you tell me how to beat him?"

"Yea, um... first, you have to stop the hands from beating the drum by shooting them with arrows. Then use the lens of truth to see his eye. You have to shoot that and then stab it. That's pretty much it. Oh, here's my knife. You do know how to pick a lock, right?"

"Of course. Alright, I'll be back soon." And with that he left.

For awhile I was there alone. In the shadow temple alone is the last place you'll ever want to be. I grew slightly paranoid and with every creak, water drop, and slight breeze my head flew around. Soon I was fading in and out of consciousness. A great pool of blood surrounded me. I felt totally weak. I was dying. 

Suddenly I noticed a figure standing in the shadows.

"Who are you?"  
  
"An old friend of Link's."

The figure stepped forward. I recognized the green hair and clothing instantly. It was Saria. 

I tried to speak again, but I couldn't. She walked to me and kneeled down beside me. She put her hand over my wound. A green light escaped through the cracks in between her fingers. When she lifted her hand off, everything was healed. No wound, no blood.

"What are you doing here?" I asked as I stood up.

"We need to talk."

"About what?"

"About Link and the fact that you're still lying to him."

I turned around to keep her from seeing the tears in my eyes. "Look, I don't know what else to do. I lied, okay? It's over, I can't take it back, it's too late."

"But it's not too late to make amends."

"Yes it is. He'll never forgive me."

"Yes he will. You're special, Christina. He knows that."

"I'm not anything special." I hung my head, "I'm not anything at all."

"Yes you are. What you did back there; that was special. You were willing to sacrifice your own life for his sake. It takes a lot of heart to do that. And it's even more special because of the hell you went through at home. Any normal person would be hard as stone from that. But not you. You still love."

"I don't love."

"Yes, you do. You're just turning your back on your feelings. Don't run away." She started fading. "Don't run away."

I was standing alone now. I reached out my hand and waved it through the air where she had been.

"What the..." I heard behind me. I turned around and saw Link standing there. "How did you get healed?"

"I, uh... was visited by one of the goddesses." I immediately felt guilty about lying again.

"Oh."

"Did you beat Bongo-Bongo?"

"Yea, come on."

"Okay."

We both went to the room together. We walked into the blue light and the crystal enveloped us. He looked into my eyes and I thought I would cry. He trusted me. He believed every word I said. I felt so horrible.


	14. Link's Journal

Shit

Shit. I skipped a whole ton of the Shadow Temple in the last chapter, didn't I? I just realized it after I posted it and went to play Oot. Oh well, just look on the bright side. If I hadn't screwed that up then I wouldn't have written this chapter until at least a week from now. And there's another bonus: it's the mushy gooey one you've all been waiting for. The song in here is "How Did I Fall in Love With You" by the Backstreet Boys. If you like them, fine, if you don't, that's fine too, just don't put any shit about them in your reviews. You're supposed to be reviewing my story, not my taste in music.

__

Link's Journal

(This is not literally Link's journal but it's basically what he would write if he had one.)

__

I never needed her. I hated her when I first met her. She was such a bitch. But, somehow or another, something about her shined through. Maybe it was the way she was just like me. Brave, strong, cold, destroyed by the world... alone. Whatever it was, it caught me and then I saw her as, I guess, a friend. 

Remember when we never needed each other. 

The best of friends like sister and brother.

We understood we'd never be... alone. 

__

I thought she was going to die. No, I knew it. If I had left her there she would've died. She told me to, though. She said that she could come back. Why didn't I believe her? She just seems so human. She has flaws like everyone else. She's not perfect or royal like I imagined a goddess would be. She's completely normal. And yet, she's not. No normal girl has ever made me feel this way. I love Zelda, I'll admit. I also love Saria and Malon and Impa, hell, I might even love Ruto. But not the way I love her. I've come close to losing the others many times. Some even came closer to death than her. But the feeling of dread. The sickening empty feeling, it was never as strong as when I thought I might lose her. I never expected to fall in love. I'm a hero, not a country boy. I've wanted to fight, to kill, ever since I can remember. I thought I had everything. But when I think about going back to the life I had before her, all I can see is nothing. She's the only thing that matters anymore. The last time I was afraid of something was when I was just a child. In my adult years I've never been afraid. I've seen so much shit that I thought nothing could frighten me anymore. But now I'm scared to death. I'm afraid to beat Ganondorf. Because I know that if I do she'll go home. I can't lose her. I love her too much to even imagine a life without her.

Those days are gone, now I want you so much.

The night is long, and I need your touch.

__

How can I tell her, though. She's a goddess. Goddesses don't fall in love. Especially not with people. I shouldn't even be in love with her. It's wrong. It's so wrong. I should be condemned to hell for feeling this way. But, no matter how hard I try, I just can't make this emotion go away. Her face is always there. Even when I look away. Even when I close my eyes. Even when I sleep.

Don't know what to say.

Never meant to feel this way.

Don't wanna be alone tonight.

__

It feels like the only way out is to tell her. To beg her to stay by my side. I would. I would beg on my knees, bring myself to the greatest shame possible, if only I could be with her forever. If only.

What can I do to make you mine.

Falling so hard, so fast, this time.

What did I say, what did you do? 

How did I fall in love with you?

How was it? Did you think it was good? Believe it or not, this is one of my fave chapters. I just think it's so sweet. Actually I do like romance as long as it's a mixture of romance and angst. Kinda like in my other story, when Leighanne is all in tears about how she took Brian for granted. I like stuff like that just not the shit where everyone's happy and the candlelight dinners and walks by the beach and little cutesy letters and boxes of chocolate and... and... (hhhhuuurrrrrlllll) Whoa, better clean that up before my dad gets home. Write you later. 

__


	15. Christina's Journal

I can't fight anymore 

I'll try to keep this fairly simple: song, It's Not Just Me, by Rascal Flatts. you diss Rascal Flatts icecold will rip your face off. thank you. have a nice day:) 

__

I can't fight anymore. I just can't keep on running from my feelings. I love him, okay. I do. If I even know what love is. See, no one ever loved me. My mother died in childbirth and then my father committed suicide after feeding me rat poison when I was just a couple weeks old. The only reason I survived was because a neighbor heard the gunshot and ran over to the house. They took me into the hospital and pumped my stomach. I just barely made it. I wished I had died though. My uncle and aunt adopted me. Soon after, my aunt had a stroke and passed on. My uncle (who hadn't really wanted me in the first place) was then left to take care of me. He was abusive, not physically but emotionally. He always told me how much he hated me and that no one could ever love a little bitch like me. I believed him too. I still believe him. 

Tell me you've had trouble sleeping

That you toss and turn from side to side

That it's my face you've been seeing

In your dreams at night

__

I mean think about it. How could anyone love me? I'm heartless, I never say anything nice to anyone, I'm just basically a bitch. But they don't know what I've been through. Nobody knows. Nobody cares. They just judge without even looking. But I learned not to care about that. I didn't care if people liked me or not. But now I care. For the first time I wish someone would love me. And I wish that that someone could be Link.

Tell me that you wake up crying

And you're not sure exactly why  
  
Tell me that something is missing

In your life, in your life baby

__

In the morning, that's when it's the worst. That's the time after I've dreamed of him and me. That's when I realize that a dream is all it is and all it will ever be. I go on these long walks early in the morning, so that if he wakes up, he won't see me cry. I can't let him see me in my weakest, because then he'll know what I really am. He'll know that I have feelings. That I'm not the hard-hearted bitch that I've led the world to believe I am. 

Tell me that you live for love

That forever is never enough

That you've waited all your life to see

That you want so badly to believe

Tell me that it's not just me

__

I've never needed anyone. My asshole uncle bought food, clothes, and provided shelter. That's the extent of my dependence on the human race. Or that's what I always led myself to believe. In all truth, I've always known something wasn't right, that I needed something, someone to be complete. My heart was what told me this, but I've taught myself that the brain is smarter than the heart. That could be true. The brain is smarter, maybe, but wiser? Never. What am I thinking? I have never, ever, thought anything like that in my life. I deserted my heart a long time ago, and until now I thought it was never to return. 

I could have sworn I saw you smile at me

Standing in the pouring rain

At a loss for words and running out of time  
  
I said this crazy thing (crazy thing), I said

__

Late last night I looked to where Link was sleeping. Sometimes I get up and kneel down beside him just so I can watch him sleep. But he wasn't there. I rushed out of the cave and into the rain coming down in torrents. That's when I saw him standing twenty feet away from me. We both ran towards each other. I tried to think of something to say but I had lost all sense. So I said the first words that came to my mind, "You're beautiful when you're wet." (HAHAHAHAHAHA!!! Whoops. I'm not supposed to say anything in the "Journal Chapters." It breaks the mood. Oh well, I won't tell anyone if you don't.)

Tell me that you live for love

That forever is never enough

That you've waited all your life to see

That you want so badly to believe

Tell me that it's not just me

__

Slowly, the corners of his mouth curled upward into a smile. He gently grabbed my hand and placed it on his shoulder. I draped my other hand around the back of his neck. Then I choked the shit out of him, threw him to the ground and told him that if he ever touched me like that again, I'd rip his balls off. (HAHAHA! Oh, that's great stuff. Shit. Sorry, it's really late at night and whenever I stay up late, I start acting like I'm high. Of course, to tell you the truth, if some guy touched me that way, that would pretty much be my reaction. Actually, there have been some guys who've tried to pull shit with me and I did kick their asses. If you want to hear some specific stories then ask in your review and I'll write some at the end of my next chapter. Oh shit, I better get back to my story. Just pretend that the stuff that's underlined, isn't really there, and you'll get the real story.)

__

He slipped his arms around my waist and gradually brought his lips closer to mine. When they finally touched...  
that was when I woke up. At first I didn't realize where I was. Then, I figured out that everything that had happened was nothing. Just like everything that happened all the nights before. I thought about the dream and how much I wished it had been real. That time I couldn't hold the tears back. I cried like a child. 


	16. Chapter 16

Dillpops, the song, "It's Not Just Me" by Rascal Flatts, came out on their self-titled CD in the year 2000. I personally like the song a lot. I love the lyrics and it has this really cool electric guitar solo in it. But... the band sings in a genre that's not too popular with the younger generations. It's country!!! *gasp* But if you like country, then I would highly recommend buying the CD. Oh, and if you don't then you should go to a website like cdnow.com and at least listen to the song samples, because country ain't my favorite genre either, but I still like that particular group.  
OJR, yes it is true, I think I have "meat" written on my forehead or something. Kinda explains why I'm good at fics about bitchy girls that hate guys, don't it? But don't feel too sorry for me. It hurts, of course, but I'm a firm believer in "what doesn't kill ya makes you stronger," plus, I also get a kind of twisted happiness from kicking their asses. Oh, I've got to mention one particular occasion, but I'm sure you want me to get on with the story, so if you want to read it, it's at the end.

Link and I were walking through the field to the castle being exceptionally quiet. I had a lot on my mind that I wanted him to know but, well, I think you understand. I didn't look directly at him, but I kept on spying at him out of the corner of my eye. That was when his arrows caught my attention and I remembered something.

"Oh crap!!!" (you better be happy DigiEmpress lady person, cause I would've used the "s" word here if it wasn't for you.)

"What?"

"You need the light arrows."

"And..."

"And Zelda was supposed to give them to you about now, when she was supposed to meet you in the Temple of Time."

"Oh. But can't you just talk to the goddesses and get them to give you the arrows?"

"I'm not sure."  
  
"Then why don't you try?"  
  
"I'll do that. But, let's go to the Temple. I think I'll have a better advantage there."

Link nodded and we continued on towards the castle.

We walked into the Temple and I crossed my fingers. I looked up at the ceiling, then over at Link. He raised his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest. I looked back up at the ceiling and prayed, "Oh great, wonderful, magnificent, exellent..."

Link chuckled and mumbled, "Oh talented brown-nosed one."

"Shut up. ...glorious goddesses, answer my plea. Link, the Hero of Time, wishes to defeat Ganondorf. But, in order to do so, he must obtain the light arrows. Please, in all your mighty power, grant them to me, your humble servant."

I waited... and waited... And waited some more. Link started tapping his foot impatiently. Nothing happened. So I tried a different technique. After I had tried the singing, and the dancing, and the offering of my blood, and the pep talk, and the poetry, and the persuading, and the begging, and the B.M.W.- ing (bitching, moaning, and whining. I found that in a science magazine. They're not as useless as they seem:) I was all out of ideas, and Link was about to die from laughing so hard.

"Shut up," I grumbled.

"You're not too popular with the goddesses, are you?" 

"I wouldn't say that so soon," I said as I noticed the vortex on the ceiling. I held out my hands to catch my prize, but to my surprise, it wasn't light arrows that fell from the vortex. It was a huge pile of shit. Before I had time to react, the disgusting blob landed in my hands and splattered everywhere. Now Link was laughing really hard and I was fuming. "That's it, you're gonna die!" I screamed as I ran at him. He tried to evade me, but I had moved too suddenly. I tackled his butt to the floor and wiped as much of the mess onto him as I could. When he finally threw me off, we were both extremely filthy. 

"I take it they're really angry with you."  
  
"Don't piss me off Link, I will hurt you," I warned as I walked out of the Temple.

We both washed off in the river, and when I was as clean as I was gonna get, I swam out and sat on the bank, resting my face in my hands. 

"What's the matter?" Link asked.

"I'm just trying to think of what were gonna do without the arrows."

"Don't worry about it too much. I'm sure we'll find a way." I didn't know it then, but Link was secretly hoping that there wasn't a way.

"Link, it's impossible to beat Ganon without those arrows."

"Well, the goddesses are the ones that really want to get rid of Ganon, so they'll give them to us in good time."

"And what are we gonna do before that "good time" occurs."

He smiled evilly. "You know, Chrisma, there's still a little bit of dung on your face. Here, let me help you get it off."

"Oh, no."

He jumped up and grabbed my hand, then swung me into the water. I kicked violently until I reached the surface, then I squealed and tried to pull away from him. He had a firm grip on my hands, and he wouldn't let go. He picked me up, almost effortlessly, and lifted me above his head.

"Link, no. LINK!!!" He threw me into the water. That's when I took my chance to escape. I swam to the bank, and ran out into Hylian Field without looking back. Then I heard the faint sound of Epona's Song on the Ocarina. "Hey, that's not fair!" I called out over my shoulder.

"Too bad!" I heard him call back. Then I heard the loud thudding of horse's hooves behind me. Without warning, my knight in a not-so-shining tunic swept me off my feet, literally. He swung me onto the horse, and we galloped into the sunset. (How cheesy :(

~ Later that night ~

"Okay, so what's that one?" Link asked as he pointed at a star. We were both lying on our backs in the grass, and I was giving Link a lesson in Greek mythology.

"That's Scorpio. The Greeks believed that since Apollo, that one right there, figured out that Artemis, the one over there, liked Orion more than him, he got all pissy, and sent this scorpion to kill him. The scorpion succeeded, and so the star hangers, or whatever the heck those weird dudes were called, hung it in the sky with Orion, so everybody would know his story."

"The Greeks were kind of messed up, weren't they?"

"Yeah, they put the gods and goddesses on their level. They gave them human characteristics like jealousy, and hatred. They believed that gods were just like them."

"Then I guess they weren't too off, huh?" He smiled at me, and I smiled back, though I was dying inside. I tried to brush it off, and just continued with what I had been saying.

"They showed that gods and goddesses were just basically humans, only luckier. I mean, they even thought that gods could have relationships with humans."

"Were they right?"

After he said that, I gave him a really weird look, and he realized that I understood what he was hitting at.

"I, I'm just curious."

"Oh, well um... I don't really know. There's never been a human/god relationship to my knowledge. So I'll have to get back to you on that one."  
  
"Oh, okay."

That night I woke up crying.

Ooohhh, suspenseness. Sort of. Well anyway, I can assure you, you'll be surprised at where the light arrows are. But, I guess you'll just have to wait to find out because right now, I need to tell my story. Now, this is 100% true, mind you. So anyway, there's this kid, let's just call him Andrew in order to protect the innocent. Well, he's not really all that innocent, but I mean to protect me. Actually, I'm not that innocent either, but... grrr... never mind. So, _Andrew _comes up to me and asks me what seems to be a really dumb question, "Is your dad a baker?" I reply, "No," since that is the truth. Then he says, "Oh, I thought he might be since you have really hot buns." Then, much to everyone's surprise (not really, but, you know) I start kicking his ass. In the process, however, he is trying to touch me. Not quite in private places, but, it's the thought that counts. So then I really start kicking his ass, oh yes, and don't forget, this is on school property, during school hours. So I'm kicking his ass, and then a little bit of a crowd gathers 'round, and all of his friends are watching him, and laughing, and the ones that aren't there hear about it later, in between classes, and during lunch. He could tell on me, and he probably would, since he's a f***ing snitch, but he's way to embarrassed because he got his ass whipped by a girl. For the rest of the week he did not talk to me, or look at me. And, the best part is that the next day, his friends told me that he had gotten bruises from me. Hehehehe!!! There is a downside, though. Since I rejected his ugly ass, he is now calling me a lesbian. But, now that all the guys have heard that rumor, none of them have asked me out since. YES!!!

You know, I could have a whole book of stories entitled, Why I Wish to Have Nothing to do With Guys, and I'll bet that some of them would make you cry, but, I guess that in knowing what it feels like to be hurt, and to fight your own heart, I am able to write fanfics that y'all enjoy, so I hope that after me telling you that, you have a nice, happy, lots-of-faith-in-the-world kinda day. 

DigiEmpress lady person, I would suggest you don't scroll down and read the rest of this.

Shit damn f*** (damn this PG-13 rating) hell bitch ass mother- f***er (damn it again) whore hell damn shit bitch damn shit damn hell f*** ass son of a bitch ass shit bitch damn hell ass bitch shit f***er hell damn shit bitch damn hell bitch shit damn hell f*** whore shit damn hell bitch damn shit ass bitch f*** hell ass bitch shit damn f*** ass mother- f***er ass shit bitch damn hell shit bitch damn hell bitch damn hell bitch whore hell damn shit bitch damn hell bitch shit damn shit hell bitch whore f*** bitch hell damn ass shit bitch ass damn hell bitch shit whore damn shit hell damn f*** hell f*** ass son of a bitch ass shit bitch damn hell ass bitch shit f***er hell damn shit bitch damn hell bitch shit damn hell f*** whore shit damn hell bitch damn shit ass bitch f*** hell ass bitch shit damn f*** ass mother- f***er ass shit bitch damn hell shit bitch damn hell bitch damn hell bitch whore hell damn shit bitch damn hell bitch shit damn shit hell bitch whore f*** bitch hell damn ass shit bitch ass damn hell bitch shit whore damn shit hell damn f*** hell ass bitch shit f***er hell damn shit bitch damn hell bitch shit damn hell f*** whore shit damn hell bitch damn shit ass bitch f*** damn ass shit bitch ass damn hell bitch shit whore damn shit hell damn f*** hell f*** ass son of a bitch ass shit bitch damn hell hell ass bitch shit damn f*** ass mother- f***er ass shit bitch damn hell shit bitch damn hell bitch damn hell bitch whore hell damn shit hell damn f*** hell ass bitch shit f***er hell damn shit bitch damn hell bitch shit damn hell f*** whore shit damn hell

Told you not to look:) 


	17. Chapter 17

I know it's been a while since I wrote, SORRY (not) hehehe. I was just having some problems, but I swear if anyone complains about it being late I'll discontinue the damn story. 

I awoke to see the sun peeking slightly over the east horizon. I sat up, and looked for Link to find that he wasn't there. Walking out of the grotto, I stretched and yawned. I first turned to the right, then left, but I still couldn't see him. Shrugging, I turned around, and gazed at the grotto, which happened to look really cool at sunrise. I wanted to get a wider perspective of it, so I proceeded to walk backwards like an idiot. I was still walking backwards when... SMACK!!! I ran right into Link, knocking the both of us to the ground. I clambered to my feet and turned around. He was crouched on the ground, facing away from me, as he scooped something up off the ground. 

"Hey, what'cha doin'?" 

"Nothing," he said with a serious tone.

"Don't look like nothin' to me. I wanna see!" I cried in a babyish voice. I jumped on top of him, causing his arms to fly out, and a whole bunch of light arrows to scatter everywhere. "What the hell? How long have you had those."

"I just got them."

"Link, you do know that you're a very bad liar, don't you?"

He sighed.

"Why were you hiding them?" I asked. "And don't try to lie to me."

"I...I just wanted to spend more time with you, I guess."

"I thought you hated me."

"Well, I do but, I don't. I mean, you're just... fun to hang out with. Besides, I get lonely. Like really, _really_ lonely."

Not quite the answer I'd hoped for, but a lot like what I'd expected.

"Alright, I'll accept that. But we need to beat Ganon, like now."

"Sure," he tried to sound like he didn't mind, but I could see right through him.

So off we went to Ganon's castle. We both rode across Hyrule field on Epona and I must say I was quite happy that the horse listened to him. I had a slight fear of horses, seeing as whenever I got on one I got thrown off. I had almost pushed that possibility out of my mind when we were just a few seconds away from the marketplace. 

"Link, are you going to stop?"

"Why would I? There's no townsfolk in there anymore so I might as well ride through."

"No, Link, it's not that, the bridge is... mother f***er (lousy rating system)!"

Too late, we'd already got to the bridge, Epona obviously couldn't go across the broken bridge, as she couldn't in the game. She also reared up as she often did in the game, and of course that sonofabitch Link didn't fall off but guess who did. If you didn't say Christina/Chrisma then you are not worthy of reading my fic, so go scamper off and try to figure out why 2 + 2 =4. 

"Oh geez, are you okay?" Link said, seeming genuinely worried as he jumped off of Epona and hurried over to me. Then I guess he caught himself actually caring about me, and quickly added, "I mean, it's not like I care, but I kinda need you."

"Oh thanks pal." I said sarcastically. I lifted myself up off the ground and before I started walking I shuddered a bit.

"What was that about?" Link asked. 

"Huh?"

"You shivered."

"Oh, that. ReDeads."

"Say that again?"

"There's ReDeads in there, I hate those guys."

"Oh. Well, too bad."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh I can feel the compassion flowing out of thee."

I hadn't really noticed but we had started walking and when I lifted my head up, I saw the market place packed with ReDeads.

"Ahh."

"Run!"

We ran through the ReDeads and the whole time I kept my eyes on the ground, trying not to make eye contact with any of them. I kept on running and running until I thought I was going to collapse from exhaustion and fear.

"Um, you can stop now."

I looked up, and the market place was gone, only to be replaced by a giant ebony castle, surrounded by lava. Not a much better sight.

"What happened to the castle."

"You mean you haven't seen it?"

"No."

"Well, this is what Ganon did to it."

Link sighed and bowed his head. Even to this day I'm not sure, but I think I saw I tear escape his eye.

Short. Yes. I know. Review and you'll get more. Complain about shortness = Forget about the story.


	18. Chapter 18

Hey guys, I'm thinking about posting an LOTR ficcy. What would you think of that? No romance or anything like that, just some good ole' action and adventure and, of course, lots of humor. Tell me if you want me to and I just might do it. I've already started writing it, and just to tell you, it's quite a bit like this fic, with some differences. Basically the same plot though: girl with shitty life somehow manages to get herself into a surreal world and ends up helping the original heroes save the world and then she falls for a certain elf... gotcha! Already told ya that it wasn't gonna be romance but you were hoping' weren't ya? So sorry, but there's already too many damn fics that have romance with that damn elf. Well anywho, next chapter up, time for some action! Go Link, go! Kick some Ganon ass! Go Chris, go! Kick some Link ass!

We were standing there for a while and I let Link stand in his silence for I knew that it must've been hard. Then he turned to me and said, "How are we going to get there? It's impossible."

I don't know what I was thinking but right then I just had an urge to sing and so I did, "Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough, ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from gettin' to you."

Link just kinda stood there and looked at me really weirdly. "What in hell was that?!"

"Well duh, it was a song."

"A song?"

"Yea, sorta like the ones that Malon sings, 'sept it's got words."

"Well, why were you singing it?"

"It just came to mind. You know, it kinda fits with the situation. See, we're stuck outside the castle, and it seems like there's no way we're gettin' there, but there's always a way."

"So, what's the way?"

"The sages. They'll be here soon."

"Yeah, kinda like when the goddesses were gonna give you the light arrows, right?"

"I don't know how that could be. How in the heck could you fit Rauru in your tunic?"

Link choked on a laugh and then he kinda looked up at me with a guilty puppy dog look, "Sorry."

"Oh, no prob'. I just can't wait until Zelda gets out and kills you for stalling."

"Thanks. I feel loved."

__

You are. Ahh. Did I almost say that? Ugh, this is so annoying. I don't want to love him, but I do. I want to tell him, but I can't. I hope I get killed by Ganondorf. 

"Hey look," I pointed out, " it's the sages." 

Yea, and so the sages made the rainbow bridge and so on and etc. etc. and _finally_ we prepared to cross the bridge. We walked up to the edge of the cliff, right before the bridge when I stopped.

Link turned to me, "What's wrong?"

"Uh, Link, there's something I should tell you."

"Now is not the best time."

"No, but this is really important."

"What?" He asked, annoyed.

"I'm kinda... well sorta..."  
  
"What?!"

"I'm afraid of heights!"

"Oh goddesses! Let Hyrule be damned! How can you be afraid of heights? You're a goddess, for... goddess' sakes!"

"I know but it's just something I have a little trouble with."

"Well, how come you were never afraid of heights before?"

"I was. It was just that we weren't high for a long time." _Hehe, sounded like I was talking about drugs. _"But now we're on a transparent bridge over f**king (oh, screw political correctness) fucking lava!"

"Just, come on. It's not that bad." He tried to grab my wrist and persuade me to the bridge. 

"Yes it is!" I squeaked.

"Would it be better if I covered your eyes and led you across?"

"Are you psycho?! You'll probably guide me off the bridge!"

"Why would I do that? You know I need you to help me."

"Well, yea but..."

"I'm waiting."

"Alright, alright already. But if you kill me, I'll give you bad luck for the rest of your pitiful life."

"Uh-huh. That's nice," He said as he slowly pulled me along the bridge. I do admit it was a lot easier than having to walk it myself, but I was still close to peeing my pants. I think we were almost there, I'm not sure I quite remember, but I think we were. It was more the fault of my fear and stupidity than anything else, but whatever it was that caused it, I slipped and suddenly I found myself hanging off the edge of the bridge.

I screamed, and, for a second, Link recoiled and covered his ears. It was quite loud, but soon he had a hold of my wrists and was trying to pull me up.

"It's okay... Just hang in there... I got you..." Link calmed as he tried to drag me back onto the bridge. Didn't help much, though. In any other circumstance, he would've been able to pull me right up, but I guess my kicking and struggling didn't help. Plus, I happened to be screaming, "Link I'm gonna kill you!"

Then I felt my wrist start slipping. I grew rather scared, and suddenly found myself unable to move. Though that must've made me a lot lighter, my wrist still slipped from his grasp. So I found myself immobile, near dead, and unable to see, breathe, or think.

Ooo, looks like I left you with a cliffhanger, literally. Well, guess I'll leave you with that. R&R and you'll get a new chapter soon. 


	19. Chapter 19

Sorry about the delay. But don't blame me! It was fanfiction and their stupid site. Whenever I would login it wouldn't display the whole screen so I couldn't get to anything in my account. So yell at them for a change!

Koolkitty: Patience, patience. All in good time. For now I'm focusing more on the Action/Adventure part of the story. They'll get their feelings out as soon as Ganon gets an ass whoopin'. You must be patient with me. I tend to like having all things resolved at the same time. Or at least closer to the same time than it would be now. Trust me, the chappy after Ganon dies will be the romantic (well, semi-romantic) one.

Frances a.k.a. sweet tooth a.k.a. whatever the hell your name is: how dare you poison my review section with comments on that stupid elf! Now you shall DIE!!! J/K sorry. Honestly I don't care what you write in your review, I just had to comment on that because I've dedicated my life to hating people such as Orlando Bloom. Other examples would be: Justin Timberlake, Tom Cruise, Leonardo DiCaprio, Nick Carter, Brad Pitt, and basically every other guy that anyone calls hot, or sexy, or cute, or hhhhuuururrlllllll. Sorry, you know how much I hate guys. Why I'm even writing a romance is beyond me. Oh yeah, it's because that's what all you little teenyboppers like and I wanted good reviews. Teehee, the truth finally comes out, teehee! 

I think Link was trying to talk to me, but it wasn't doing any good because my mind was dwelling on other things, if you know what I mean. For I moment there, I thought I had died. It was a justified thought though since I had a blinding white light surrounding me. I realized that I wasn't dead though, because I could still feel Link holding on to my wrist. It was then that I realized that I wasn't scared anymore, I was so deep in thought that I didn't have room to be scared. I wondered what would happen if I fell. Would I actually die? If I thought that that was the case I might have _wanted_ to fall. Would I go back to my old life? If that was it then I would've tried to do anything, even fly before I would let the fire consume me. Would I just end up back on the rainbow bridge as was the case in the game? Then I didn't care what happened. Suddenly I knew that I wouldn't fall. Don't ask me how, I just _knew. _I watched as Link pulled me up, almost as though it were a movie. I _saw _myself being pulled up and I_ knew_ that I wasn't going to die, just the way you know that a person isn't going to die in a movie. 

"You okay?" I was surprised to find that I was already back on the bridge.

"Yea, I'm fine," I replied.

"Geez, you scared the hell out of me."

"Oh, yes. I'm so sorry I scared _you._"

He laughed. "We're almost at the castle," he hesitated a moment. "Why don't you let me carry you the rest of the way?"

"Over my dead body."

"That can be arranged."

I started jogging to the entrance of the castle. Weirdly enough, I wasn't afraid anymore. Link ran after me.

"Don't you make me shoot you again!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh, I wouldn't?"

Suddenly an arrow sailed past my head. I screamed and ducked out of the way. I spun around and looked at Link. "You idiot! That could have hit me."

"Not that it would have mattered." He picked it up, and handed me the arrow that was missing its head. "It mighta hurt, but that's all."

"Asshole!" I smacked him upside the head.

"Ow. Hey, how 'bout a 'thank you, Link, for saving my life."

"Well, I was going to, until you made me think you were going to kill me." 

"Hey, have a sense of humor."

"Oh, I have a sense of humor." I kicked him in the shin. "You see? I thought that was funny."  
  
He glared at me and stood up, after having cradled his shin in his hands. "Okay, I get the message."

"Uhuh, that's score two for Chrisma... and no points for Link.

"Oh shut it."

"Make me."

"I might."

It was then that the castle rumbled a bit.

Link looked up at the castle and then at me. "What was that?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Indigestion?"

He bumped me with his elbow. "Come on be serious."

"Well I don't know! I mean gosh, do want me to look into my magic crystal ball for you?"

"Sorry. I just assumed that a _goddess_ would know."

"Oh shit."

"What was that?" He looked at me in a way like he almost knew that I was a liar.

"Nothing. Well, its just that... well I...."

"Yessss."

"Well, I don't know all of the future. I just know some of it. Hey, I'm a rookie what can I say?" _Dammit, why do I have to lie like this? And he's so stupid, he actually believes me. That makes me feel even worse._

"Oh, okay. Maybe we should go in now."

"Okay."

So we walked into the castle and... dunh dunh dunh. So sorry, we're out of time. Guess you'll have to tune in next week (Probably sooner than that.) to see our next episode and find out: Will Link and Christina ever confess their true feelings for each other?Will Link ever realize that Christina isn't a goddess? Where the hell is Navi(not like anyone actually wants her to come back but whatever)? Why the hell can't these people come up with new ideas for clothes (See: Link's attire, Peter Pan's attire, Robin Hood's attire, and Legolas' attire.)? And... Does Ganondorf's castle really have indigestion? Find out the answers to these and more (Well, probably not the clothing dilemma.) on our next episode of... this show. 


	20. chapter 20

I can't address you by your name since you are too stupid to write it in where it says 'name', but whoever the hell you are,   
What the hell kind of review was that? That didn't even pass off as a good flame. You could write 'berttar' stuff 'then' this 'trassh.' Maybe... if you ever learn _how_ to write. Since you did such a good job criticizing my story, I think I'll turn the tables. First off, trash, your, something and management are spelled wrong, as well as better, which was misspelled two times. Also, live and then are used wrong. Instead, you should have used life, and than. Last, when you flame something, you need to specify why you are flaming it, which you failed to do. Why does my story suck? Is my punctuation bad or is the plot uninteresting? If you're going to flame you should at least tell me why instead of repeating yourself. I'll leave you with this last plea: please, please, pay more attention in English class. We don't need any more dumbasses poisoning the gene pool.

We entered the castle and the first thing I noticed was the foul stench wafting through the hall. 

"Ugh, I think the castle did have indigestion... gas too." I mumbled. 

"What was that?" Link asked. 

"Nothing, never mind."

We passed down three flights of stairs, covered in a purple carpet. When we reached the bottom, two Beamos awaited us. Matter of fact, one of them almost burned my foot off. I jumped back and cried, "Beamos!"

"Really?" Link asked sarcastically.

"Eat shit."

"I'd rather not, but I think these Beamos are hungry for some bombs."

"Ooh, tough guy," I said as he launched the bomb at the Beamos. 

"Hey, I don't see you doing any work here."

"Fine then," I slipped behind him and grabbed a bomb from his bag. I also took his hidden cigarette lighter and accidentally dropped his marijuana stash. 

"Hey, gimme that." He snatched the marijuana out of my hands. "I need this." He started stroking it. "It's mine. My precious."

"Okay, that's a little out of character. Marijuana and 'precious'? I'm not gonna ask."

I threw the bomb at the Beamos and amazingly I didn't miss. I just hit the Beamos square on, causing the bomb to ricochet back and land at my feet.  
  
"Run!!" Link and I scrambled out of the room, but not fast enough to avoid the aftershock (is that the word I'm looking for?) of the bomb. 

"Smart move, dumbass," he said with his lips curled when he looked at me as we both lay face down on the ground.

I lifted my head up and said, "Shut up," before dropping it back down.

__

Finally we made it to the first room in Ganon's castle, but not without doing some very good impersonations of the three stooges on the way. We came to the first room, which had a bunch of torches all over the place. 

"So, what do we do?"

"What the hell does it look like? Shoot the damn torches with your fire arrows."

"Well excuse me for not being an all knowing goddess like yourself."

"Why don't you go shoot yourself?"

"Because then you would be without me and I wouldn't dare deprive you of my presence."

"Oh, yes I couldn't stand to be without you my dearest Link." personality #1: _You know it's true. _personality #2: _Shut up. No one asked you to come out. I thought you were dead. _personality #1:_ Well, I was, because of your stupid cold-heartedness... but I'm back. _personality #2: _Ahhhh!!! _

The door opened we made it to a room with giant fans and silver rupees, some of them hovering in mid-air. Link looked at me and I said, "You better know what to do, 'cause I'm not wasting my breath if you're that stupid."

"I know what to do. I was just wondering where you'll be while I'm doing it."

"I'll be sitting right here," I said as I crossed my arms over my chest and sulked to the damp ground below. I grimaced as I felt the water seeping through my tunic. "And hurry up; my ass is already getting cold."

"Then don't sit down."

"Mind your own business."  
  
"As long as you mind yours."

He put on his hover boots and began retrieving the rupees. As I waited for him to finish, my mind began to wander. 

__

Jeez, I can't believe I'm in love with him. The one thing I've been fighting all my life and just like that, all my efforts become vain. How pathetic am I? I just hate lying to him though. It makes me feel so bad. Argh! Stupid conscience. Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid...

I began saying it out loud and smacking myself on the head. I didn't notice that Link was done until he was standing right in front of me.

"What do you want, Peter Pan?"

"Peter Pan?"

"Your fictional counterpart."

"What?"

"Never mind. You wouldn't understand."

"Are you alright?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You're hitting your head."

"I have a headache."

"Oh. Not to butt in or anything, but I don't think that's going to help."

  
"What the hell difference does it make to you?"

"Nothing. Just being courteous."

"Who the hell are you, and what have you done with Link?"

"Very funny."

"I thought so."

We moved through the door and saw the forest barrier. 

"What do I do?"

"Take your head out of your ass."

"And then..."

"You are sooo pathetic! Shoot it with the damn light arrows, that is, if you aren't pretending you don't have them!"

With that, he almost looked sad. And I almost regretted my statement... almost. He shot the barrier with a light arrow and it disappeared, and then we met up with Saria and yadda yadda yadda... Then we moved on to the next door.

End of chapter. Yea, I know it moved kind of fast, but that's your problem, not mine. I had intended to put all of the rooms in one chapter but this chapter took longer and was longer than I had expected. Next chapter I'll try to fit the rest of them in, but I don't know. Well, bye bye. 


	21. Chapter 21

You'll be happy to know that there's still a lot more of this fic to write, and I have a lot of the ending parts written so it won't take me long to post them. And even when it's done I have an idea for another Zelda fic. I wasn't going to do anymore Zelda fics because I'm mad at Link for making Chris fall in love with him, but then I got this really good idea. I won't tell you what it is because I don't want anyone to use the idea before I post my story, but after I do you can steal it if you like. And then after that I've thought up a sequel to this. It's not nearly as light-hearted as this one though. It's actually pretty angsty and I'm having doubts as to whether I should post it or not. But how 'bout you guys tell me what you think? 

We went into the water room and nothing really significant happened. (come on, I'm not gonna write about _every _room.) Well, okay, Link almost got run over by the giant ice block, but that's it. I promise. Well, there was also... and then when the Freezards surrounded me and I got frozen into a big ice chunk. Oh yeah, and then... There's also when the blue fire caught me and I was totally on fire but I wasn't hot... oh and then... but that's all, I swear... oh and then, never mind. 

So then we went into the shadow room. 

"Okay, I know you're not gonna know what to do so I'm not gonna waste time waiting for you to ask. Shoot fire arrows at the torches and bridges will appear, but only for a little while so hurry your ass up."

So he shot the torch and we ran forward. He was going straight forward until I realized that we needed to get the key in the chest. 

"To the left! Left!" I grabbed his arm and dragged him to the left and we stopped at the chest. "You need to get the key." I panted.

"Oh." He kicked open the chest and got the key out. 

''Okay, now we can go forward."

He shot the torch again and the bridge reappeared. We ran until we cam to the green bubble. Link was going to shoot it, but I stopped him. 

"We don't have time. Just jump across." So he waited until the bubble was below us and he grabbed my hand and we both jumped across. On the platform where we landed there was a Like Like. I shrieked and Link turned around to glare at me. While he was turned around the Like Like managed to get right behind him. "Link," I stuttered. 

"What?" He snapped. 

I pointed my finger. "B...behind... you."

He turned around and screamed as the Like Like sucked him up into its mouth. 

"Oh shit," I sighed, "Now I'm dead." I thought about trying to kill the Like Like, but I didn't want to kill Link in the process. The Like Like spit Link out and he killed it. I rushed over to him. "Dude, are you okay?"

His face turned eight shades of red. "Am I okay? Do I look okay to you?" He said between his teeth. 

"Now, no need to get all angry."

"Oh no, who's angry?"

"No one I suppose." I said, trying to sound confident, though my voice was shaking uncontrollably. 

"No, no one's angry."

I sighed with relief.

"But there is someone who's extremely pissed off!" Before I could react, he jumped on top of me and wrapped his hands around my neck. He wasn't really choking me, I could tell because I knew that with his strength, he could make my throat collapse in about three seconds. Thinking of that didn't make me feel much better though. Suddenly he released his grip on my throat and started laughing. 

"Gotcha," he laughed.  
  
"Ha. Yea I guess you did." I said, though I was still nervous. "Uh... hey, I'm sorry about getting you eaten."

"Don't worry about it. You can fuck me later."

"What!"

"You think I'm just gonna let you off the hook with just an apology. You owe me."

"What!"

"Even if I have to rape you, you're gonna fuck me."

"..."

"Girl, I'm just kidding. Chill out."

"Oh. Oh, You scared the shit out of me." I said as I breathed a sigh of relief.

"I know, that was the idea."

"Holy crap, that was so not funny."

"I thought it was."

"You scared me. I thought you were serious. I thought you were a tuna stealer."

"A what."

"Nothing." (Tuna stealer. You figure it out.) (Oh, and by the way, I know that part was disturbing, it's just that me and my friends made up these new terms for words that we can't say in front of teachers, and tuna stealer is my favorite so I wanted to use it in here somehow.) 

So that's basically all that happened in that room. You know, we got the golden gauntlets and all, so yeah.

We walked into the Fire room and suddenly I remembered it all too well. When I played the game I had killed Link twice in that room. Of course in real life you don't get to press continue. "Oh shit." Just then I noticed how hot I was getting. "Oh shit." 

I turned to Link. "Link, I can't stay in here."

"I know. Don't worry I'll be back."

"Damn." Then I left. I waited outside the room for what seemed like a couple of days, but it was really only a couple of minutes. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I walked through the door. I felt like I was being roasted in an oven but I wouldn't leave until I knew where Link was. I squinted my eyes and was relieved to see Link standing on the other side, about to go through the door. I don't know how, but somehow I knew that he saw me too. I turned around and walked out, feeling relieved, though it wasn't a welcome feeling. 

Nothing much happened in the Spirit room. Seriously this time. Well except for... never mind. 

Last came the Light room. We walked through the door and Link stood still as he saw the ring of chests around him. "There's a catch, isn't there?"

"Nothing good comes for free. Put on your lens of truth."

He did and saw the enemies everywhere. After killing them all he opened the chest in the middle and got the key. Then he made a move to go to the other chests. But I grabbed his arm before he got to them.

"No you don't."

"Why not."  
  
"Some of them may have some goodies but I'm not gonna risk you getting turned into an ice cube. Even though I know icecold would love that." (Sorry. I think you've already figured this out, but for some of the slower one's out there, I'm high. Not really, but I am getting a craving for nicotine. I'm trying to quit though, aren't you proud of me? Let me just give you a serious warning. I only smoked once and I got addicted. But I never smoked after that because I realized how dangerous it is. I still get cravings though. Don't smoke, bad idea. I told you I'm psycho.) 

"Who?"

"Nothing."

"I'm getting really tired of hearing that answer."

"Fine then, how 'bout this one: you're too dumb to understand anyway."

"That's better. At least it's honest."

I snorted. "Don't pretend to be a person of good morals. It looks totally fake on you."

"Thank you."

"Stop that."

"Stop what. I'm just being a good person." Then he gave me that psycho doll look. (not Chucky. Think more along the lines of a girl doll.)

"Dude your freaking me out."

"Why? What am I doing."

Don't ask me why, but he was just scaring the shit out of my so I slugged him in the jaw.

"Oww! What the hell was that for?!"

"I'm sorry. I told you to stop."

"Yea, but you forgot to mention that you were gonna kill me if I didn't."

"Oh, you'll live."

I walked ahead of him into the next room which had a triforce on the floor.

"Ooh, I know this one!"

"Holy shit! He knows what to do! I can't believe it!"

"Huh? Oh, no, I don't know what to do, I just meant that I know what that is."

"Oh." I rolled my eyes.

"No, I'm just kidding. I know what to do."

"Good."

He played the song and the chest appeared and we got the key and opened the door. We walked through and found ourselves in a room with boulders rolling around and silver rupees everywhere. 

"Have fun collecting them in under one minute." I said as I sat down.

"Under one minute?!"

"Time's a wastin'."

"But if we both work together then we can be sure of making it."

"You're pathetic," I sighed as I got back up and ran to the first silver rupee.

We both went separate directions and made our way around the pole. We met on the other side at the door and walked through. So that was basically all for that room and that meant it was time to go to Ganondorf. We walked up the tower and killed all the beasts, and of course, I didn't let Link get all of the action, and we finally made it to Ganon.


	22. Chapter 22

Kool kitty, nope, I've never seen the cartoons.

We entered Ganon's chamber and I looked all around. It was almost completely dark; the only places that radiated light were Zelda's crystal and Ganondorf's organ. Ganondorf stood up from the piano and swung around. His deep red eyes shifted from being on Link, to staring at me. There was a darkness, an malignancy in those eyes. It made me shudder, and I unwillingly took a step back. He turned to Link again. In a deep scratchy voice, he laughed and said, "You brought a woman to help you?" Then he laughed and I was filled with rage. I tried to run at him, but he averted his eyes back to me, and I was again, struck by that piercing gaze, and it held me back. He spoke again, "Bring all the help you will, I shall still defeat you. Besides, I think that one will look good on my mantle next to Zelda." Then he cackled. I looked at Link and saw the rage seething in his eyes. I don't know why, but that made me feel kind of good. Then the thing happened where Link and Zelda looked at their triforce tattoo things and Ganondorf held out his triforce tattoo thing as he said, "These toys are too much for you. I command you to return them to me."

Then the organ disappeared, as well as Zelda, and Ganondorf started hovering in the air. 

"So what do I do?" Link asked me.

"First... run!" I screamed just as Ganondorf pounded his fist against the ground and created the shock wave. Link followed me as I ran into the corner, and little parts of the floor fell out.

"Now what?"

"Do the same thing as with Phantom Ganon. Repel his attacks."

Then Ganondorf raised his arms above his head. Except this time it wasn't the little ball of light. It was a dark indigo cloud.

"Shit, shit, shit, shit!"

"What?"

"I take it back! Don't repel it, run!"

I grabbed his arm and we both ran along the edge of the room.

"What the hell are you doing?!"

"Trust me. You can't repel this attack."

"Isn't that what shields are for?"  
  
"Your shield won't do shit! Now just listen to me, when I say now, I want you to roll, okay?"

"Okay?" He said, though he seemed to be questioning what the hell I was doing.

We ran for a little while longer until I heard the familiar sound of the magic being released. "Now!" I screamed and we both rolled at the same time. I heard the magic explode right behind us and I stood up. There was a blinding flash and then Link looked at me. "Thanks."

"No problem...Turn around!"

He looked behind him and a ball of light was flying at him. Faster than light, literally, he pulled out his sword and knocked it back to Ganondorf. Ganon wasn't expecting it, and he didn't hit the light fast enough. It shocked him and he hung inanimate in the air.

"Shoot him!"

Link strung on an arrow.

"A light arrow, you dolt!"

"Well, you could've told me."

"Just shoot it!"

So he strung on the light arrow and shot Ganondorf with it. 

"Now?"

"Hook on him with your longshot and then stab him with your sword."

"Okay." He shot Ganon with the longshot and sailed across. He then slashed Ganondorf with the sword. Three times if I remember correctly.

Ganondorf regained his strength and got up again. I hadn't told him to get off, and he didn't realize what would happen if he didn't. I called out, "Link, get off!" But it was too late. Ganon already pounded the ground and sent Link sailing through the air. He fell through the gap and to the ground below. "Link!!!"

I heard Ganon laughing, and then he looked toward me. "Oh shit." I went for my last option. Holding my breath, I jumped across, aiming for the handholds on the pillar. I felt my body slam into the pillar, and I came to the realization that I only had about half a second to grab on. I slammed my hands into the holds and cried out as the rough surface tore the skin from my fingertips and palms. I suddenly forgot about the pain and remembered that Link was most likely dying below me while I was whining over a few scratches. I dug my toes into the wall and slowly lowered myself down. I quickened my pace when I heard Link groaning below me. I looked down to catch a glimpse of him. Big mistake. My muscles tensed and sweat poured down my face. I whispered to myself. "Come on, come on. He's gonna die, you have to save him." Then I tried to think of a way to calm myself. I started softly singing, "Ain't no mountain high enough. Ain't no valley low enough..." I relaxed enough that I could continue my descent, granted I never looked down again. Finally I made it to the bottom. Link was unconscious... or dead. I got down on my knees and gently shook his shoulders. "Link. Link, come on, Link. Don't leave me. Please... I love you." _Gulp, did I just say that? No, I didn't. Please say I didn't... _


	23. Chapter 23

Here it is. I know it took a long time for me to post it, but this is a very long chapter. Probably my longest yet. Link dies about eighty times in this chapter. I know I keep on doing that but it just makes for a dramatic story. Someone always has to almost die in my fics. That's just the way I write them. Either that, or someone does die, but we wouldn't want that, would we? (Actually, _we_ [That's what I refer to myself as when I'm talking to myself] would like him to die, but _you _wouldn't, and this fic is written for you so yea. We're just gonna have to deal with that.) Oh, by the way, this chapter is not for Zelda fans. Even though I kind of like her (well okay, I don't like her much in Oot, but I do in super smash bros. Melee.), I put her as an antagonist, because I think I need some girl/girl conflict in this story. It's especially fun to write when it's over a man.

Link grunted and opened his eyes. "Hey." He said in a weak voice.

I gasped. "Uhh... Link... You're okay." _Dammit, he must've heard me. This is so humiliating._

"What's wrong with you?"

"Eh... what do you mean?" I pretended not to know.

"You sound weird. What happened?"

"Didn't you hear me talking?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Do you care?"

"Yes."

"Do you feel the same?"

"Sure."

"Really?!"

"Well, it's not that big of a deal."

I thought about that one for a minute. What exactly had I said?

"What did you hear me say?"

"Blah blah bluh blah blah blah."

"What?"

"I didn't hear what you said. I could only hear your voice."

"Oh." (Ha! You guys thought he heard. Ha! I fooled you. You suck!) I didn't know what else to say, so I changed the subject. "Well, we need to go." I grabbed him and started to pull him up, when he cried out. "What?" I said in a worried tone.

"My back." He winced. 

I looked down his tunic and saw dark red spots in an organized pattern. One for every spike on the floor where Link had landed.

"Not good."

"I'm okay," he said as he painfully stood up. "It doesn't hurt that bad."

"Bullshit."

He coughed in the form of a laugh. "I'll be okay."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive."

I helped him stand up and walked him to the pillar. He gripped the handholds and slowly lifted himself up. I could tell he was in pain (come on, the dude fell like fifty feet. That'd kill most people.) but he fought the pain and continued up. We reached the top and I quickly grabbed his arm and jumped across so as not to get knocked off by Ganon again.

"You ready to fight?"

"As ready as I'll ever be."

"Okay then... let's kick some green ass!"

Link hit the ball of light that Ganondorf shot at us and Ganon ricocheted it back at him. He hit it again and Ganon knocked it back. And so on and so forth for about five minutes.

I yawned. "Link, will you hurry up and get hit or something. This is ridiculous."

"Thanks, pal. Now I know that I have someone cheering for me the whole way."

"You betcha."

After I said that Ganon finally wore out and got hit by the light.

"Yay."

Link shot him with an arrow and he sunk to the ground below. Link longshot across and stabbed him with the sword. Ganondorf cried out in pain and raised his arms above his head. The walls around us crumbled and crashed to the floor. He spat out green crap and fell over. (very blunt, I know) 

I looked up and saw Zelda's crystal coming down from above. 

"Hey Link, look." I pointed up at the crystal. It floated to the ground, then disappeared and Zelda walked up to Link and I. More so to Link, though. 

__

'Yo, back away from my man.' I heard myself think even though I told myself to shut up after I thought it. Even though I could push the words out of my head, I couldn't keep myself from being jealous. So as Zelda was talking, I thought of an excuse to shut her up, and get her away from my honey. Oh, and by the way, this is what she was saying (not that anyone wants to hear her fluffy words anyway, but what the heck) "Ganondorf...pitiful man...without a strong righteous mind, he..."

"Shut the fuck up, bitch! The castle is going to fall in like two seconds!"

"Excuse me!"

"You heard me, now let's go!" I grabbed Link by the wrist and dragged him away from her, and down the castle. She followed behind and was quickly ahead of us. We ran down the ramp, and I ran faster than I think I ever have in my life. I was scared out of my mind by the rocks that were falling all around me and I tried not to cry. I think Link knew how frightened I was, because he wrapped his arm over my shoulder as we ran. I looked up at Zelda, for just a second, so I could give her a 'guess what? He's mine!' look. She shot daggers with her eyes. I saw the closed gate blocking our way and nodded my head towards it. _That's right, you do your job and I'll do mine. _She walked to it and raised her arms above her head. A pink ball of light flashed and the gate opened. We entered into the room right below the one that Ganondorf was in. I saw the bloodstains where Link had landed. He saw them too, I could tell because he shivered. 

There was another barred door and Zelda opened it. We went through and ended up on a platform. Jumping across a gap, we landed on another ramp. We came to the end of it and jumped, landing on a platform with another barred door. Again, Zelda opened it and we went through. On the other side was a room with a red carpet. Zelda ran to a door, but stopped when she realized it was blocked by fallen stone pillars. She darted to the left and raised another barred door. We ran out to a ramp and it slowly got thinner and thinner. I froze, being afraid of heights as I was, and Link tried to pull me down the ramp, but fear makes me strong. He grabbed me by the waist and threw me over his shoulder. I protested, but it's not like he was about to listen. Zelda raised another door and we came to a room with a stone floor where Link set me down. After he let go of me he paused, and I recognized the sudden hesitation from the game. 

"Oh no, Link, move!" It was too late. Zelda was encased in a ring of fire, and two Stalfos were darting around the room. "Dammit, Link, I told you to move!..." I realized there was no time to argue, "I'll take this one, you kill that one," I yelled as I blocked the Stalfos' hit. "Your momma!" I yelled in imitation of the stupid people at my school. Amazingly, it seemed to offend him, because he took another swing, and I almost lost my head. "Whoops. Okay, then, I guess I won't say that again." I jabbed out with my sword and he cried out and froze for a moment which gave me the chance to take another swing, and another. A few moments later, the Stalfos hit the floor and burned up. "Boo-yah!" Link's Stalfos died a moment after that. The fire ring disappeared from around Zelda and she threw some rupees at him. "You're paying him? What does he look like, your royal body guard?" She ignored me and moved on. "Hey, wait! Where's mine?" 

She ignored my last comment so I just shrugged and followed her out onto another ramp. After awhile it just dropped off and about six feet below was another ramp. I sighed and held my breath as I jumped onto it. We came to another barred door and finally into a hallway. We turned to the right and headed down a flight of stairs, then left and to _another _barred door. It led to a bridge, which we ran across. Of course we all failed to see the Redead which in turn froze Link. I tried to pry him away, but he was as solid as stone. I didn't know what to do and coincidentally, Redeads are the only thing in Oot that scare the shit out of me. So in fear, I backed away, and almost unintentionally stood by as it jumped onto Link's back. Obviously, Zelda didn't do anything, even though she has a mother load of magic powers... stupid bitch. Link finally freed himself from the monster's grip and ran through the door that had already been opened by Zelda. I wanted to say sorry for not helping, but the little bit (Okay, big bit) of bitchy pride left in me prevented it from happening. In his haste, Link got smacked in the head with a falling rock. Zelda, in her usual prissy ways, screamed like a little girl and covered her mouth with her hands. It pissed me off so I decided to say something. "He'll live. But _we_ won't if we dawdle about, screaming every time Link gets hurt. And besides, with his mental capacity that'll be a lot." He looked at me with that "thanks a lot pal" kinda look, and I gave him a cheesy smile. We came to the end of the castle and ran out. Just as we got out of the door the castle crumbled in on itself. I followed Link as he ran to Zelda and she started in on her part. 

"It's over... it's finally over..."

"Why do you always speak with so many periods?"

"What?"

Suddenly there was a big crashing noise and Zelda started freaking out.

"What is that sound?" Then she said, "Link... go see... what made... that noise," or some shit like that. Come on, would you listen to her? 

"Why don't you look for yourself instead of sending out the royal body guard, once again, you wuss!"

Link chuckled a bit until Zelda gave him a look that could'a put anybody six feet under. Then he glared at me, making sure that Zelda saw it, and dragged me along as he went to uncover the noise. 

"Traitor," I whispered under my breath. 

"Hey, you're not the one who's gonna get bitched at by Zelda, and you have no idea how that feels."

I laughed and said, "You're forgiven. Oh, and by the way, Ganon's what's making all the racket."

"Ganon!"

"Yep."

"But I thought he was dead."

"Nope."

"Are you serious?"

"Damn right I'm serious."

"That sucks."

That was when Ganon flew out of the pile of debris. Link jumped back and screamed. 

"What did I tell you?"

"Well, you never said he was just gonna fly out like that!"

"Dumb shit!"

After that Ganondorf did the weird little thing he does and he turned fully into the ugly dude with the long tail, otherwise known as Ganon. 

Ganon knocked the sword out of Link's hand and it landed right next to Zelda outside the ring of fire etc. etc. etc... and of course, Zelda just stood there looking stupid, so I yelled, "Throw the bloomin' sword!"

And she didn't do anything. Imagine that. Gee, Zelda being a good for nothing, worthless, stereotypical girl? No. It can't be. (Ok I'll shut up now.)

So I just happened to be thinking how much I hate Zelda when Link asked me, "Chrisma, what the hell am I supposed to do now?!"

"Don't get your tights in a twist. Just take out that sledgy-hammer-thingamabob."

"The Megaton Hammer!"

"Yea. I knew that."

So he took it out and I realized that he needed something else first. 

"I mean the light arrows!" (A.N.: just in case you didn't already realize it, they happen to be running and dodging from Ganon while they're saying all this.)

"What!"

"I forgot, you have to use the arrows first, then you sledgehammer his tail!"

"Megaton!"

"Whatever!"

Then he threw the bow and arrows at me. "Since you can't make up your mind, you do it!"

"But-"

"Just do it!"

So there I was, with a bow and a quiver, only having shot arrows one time in my entire life. So you can imagine what I was thinking. Of course there were about a thousand different thoughts going through my mind and you've waited long enough for this chapter so let's just skip to the action. 

I pulled back on the arrow and let it go. It missed by about a mile.

"Dammit, don't waste the arrows!" Link yelled.

"You're the one who gave them to me!"

"I'm starting to think that was a mistake!"

"Eat shit!"

And just out of spite I aimed the arrow where Link was standing and let it go. And what do you know, it hit Ganon. 

"Okay Link, smash his tail!" 

So he did, and it continued on like that for a few more hits, with me aiming at Link each time. 

After a while, the fire ring went down and Zelda pointed to the sword. "Link, come get the sword!"

"Why you lazy ass bitch! Can't you throw it your fucking self!" And boy howdy, if looks could kill, but that's beside the point. Link went and got the sword. While he was gone, I'd been stabbing Ganon in the side while screaming, "This is for...me! and this is for...me! and..."

All of a sudden, dorkus got back up and I ran away very quickly. Link came back and I reached for another arrow. I shot the piece of no good shit and Link slashed his tail again. What more can I say than we did that a couple more times and ugly finally died. Right before Ganon's death though, Link shouted, "Oh, and by the way, this isn't just any girl that I'm with. You were fighting against the Hero of Time _and_ a goddess."

Ganon looked up at me and choked out his final words, "She's no goddess, she's a liar."

The rest went just as the game had, but after Ganon died we weren't up in the clouds, we were still by the remnants of the castle. Link looked at me oddly and said, "What did Ganon mean by that?"

I knew what I had to do. I sucked in a gulp of air, but before I could start, Zelda spoke. "She's not a goddess, Link."

He looked shocked and almost angry at the same time. "What do you mean?"

"Just what I said. She's not a goddess, she is a human from another world, and her name is Christina."

"But... but she wouldn't do that to me. Everything we've been through..."

"A lie," she said, finishing his sentence. "I'm sorry, Link. I'm afraid she's not what she seems. She deceived you, but you can't blame her for it, she doesn't know how to be anything but a bad person."

"Fuck off."

Link broke in, "No, you fuck off, _Christina_."

"What?" I said meekly.

"I can't believe you. How could you do that to me?"

"Link, just hear me o..."

"No, I don't have to take this bullshit!" He started walking away, and I grabbed his wrist. He pulled it away, and I fell to the ground. "Go to hell!" He cried, then he ran away into the distance. 

My eyes filled with tears, and I curled into the fetal position as it hit me that I had lost the only thing that had ever gone right in my life. I must've sat there for hours. Zelda left after the first five minutes, she didn't even want to bother with me. I wanted to kill her.


	24. Chapter 24

You guys will never know just how much pleasure it gave me to think of you all, sitting by your computers and having spaz attacks just waiting for the next chapter to be posted. I was going to wait a couple of weeks... okay so I was gonna wait a couple months, but then I remembered a certain story that I fell in love with, though I don't know why now, but anyway it was a story that I fell in love with and even a couple of days seemed like a month when it wasn't updated. So I decided to do something completely OOC... be nice. Here's the next chapter.

I don't know how long it was. It seems like days. All I know is that it took too long for me to decide that crying wasn't going to help much. I knew that I wasn't going to give up, that I would put up a fight. I picked myself up off the ground and went on a search for Link. It wasn't long until I found him. He was lying down in the same spot that we had observed stars together. On his face were dried tears and in his hand, he fiddled with a light arrow. I approached him from behind so he didn't notice me. When I got close enough though, he propped himself up on an elbow and faced me. Once he saw who it was, he immediately got up and began to walk away. 

I tried to keep from crying, but my eyes filled up with tears regardless. "Please, Link, just listen for a moment."

He stopped in his tracks, but didn't bother turning around or even looking at me. With clenched teeth, he responded, "Give me one good reason to even give you the time of day."

"I didn't mean to hurt you..."

"Well you did!" He spun around and to my surprise, had tears in his eyes too. "...You did... I trusted you! Do you know how many people I trust?"

I shook my head no.

"Not very many! Want me to name them right now? Let's see, gee I don't think I know of any... oh there was one, but she fucking lied to me!"

"Link, stop it! I said I was sorry!"

"Sorry doesn't cut it for being a bitch!"

"I was a bitch, okay? I went through so much shit that I didn't care about anyone..."

"As if I haven't gone through shit in my life! For crying out..."

"But you were _loved_!" At that, his face softened and he was rendered speechless. "Through all your problems, in all your pain, people were shouting 'Link! Link!' all the way. You knew what love was like. I never did. And I admit, I was manipulative. I was cold. But can you blame me? No one loved me, no one even liked me. Not even my own damn parents. And never being loved, I forgot how to love in return... until I met you."

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think!" At this point I had tears streaming down my face. "Link, I love you." (Corny, corny, corny, corny!)

"Do you really mean that?"

"Of course I do."

"Then why didn't you tell me the truth... after you remembered how to love?"

"Because... I didn't want to lose you. I didn't dare risk losing the only good thing that has ever happened in my life."

I thought he was going to cry. His eyes were filled with tears and they looked sorrowful and joyous at the same time. "You know, I was kind of glad that you turned out to be mortal." 

"Why?"

"Because, goddesses are so great and majestic, they would never mingle with mortals. A goddess and a mortal could never be together."

"What are you saying?"

"Isn't it obvious? Chris, I love you too."

"Thank you."

For a minute, neither of us said or did anything, then Link spoke again. "When did it happen though? I never sensed that you loved me."

"I have loved you for as long as I can remember. I think I loved you from the moment... no, wait, I guess I didn't love you from the moment I saw you. In all honesty I hated you with every part of me... but, I love you now." 

He looked like he was fighting a losing battle to keep from laughing. "Come here you." He grabbed my shoulders and our lips found each other's. (No... no, ice... don't puke... must be... romantic... HHUUURRRRLLLLL.... ew. Okay, I'ma try to shut up now)

For the first time in my life I felt absolutely complete. I felt like I finally belonged. I had love (Yea, like that fulfills anyone. Oops, sorry.) Everything was right. At last.

Aww... isn't that cute? Yea, you might think so, but guess who doesn't? The person that wrote it. Now, isn't that whacked? Well anyway, don't think that's the end, I'm not done yet. I'll just give you fair warning: if you're sentimental, then the next chap might make you cry. Personally, I was laughing the whole way through, but that's just me.


	25. Ch 25

Yay! Huzzah for me and my fic's 1 year anniversary! Thank all for your reviews, they was greatly appreciated. Here you are, the 'last' (wink, wink, nudge, nudge) chapter!

Suddenly, we were back up in the sky. Link smiled at me, and I at him. He gently took my hand and then looked up at Zelda. She then started speaking, "Thank you Link... and thank you, Christina." Though she glared when she said it. "Thanks to you, Ganondorf has been sealed inside the Evil Realm! Thus, peace will once again reign the world... for a time."

"For a time? You mean to say that we went through all this to restore peace, for a time?"

Link nudged me with his elbow. Zelda did not look too amused though she said nothing to confirm that. She just continued.

"All the tragedy that has befallen Hyrule was my doing."

"I knew it! I knew Ganondorf wasn't smart enough to think this up himself. You evil cross-dressing transvestite! You better have a very good lawyer, or your ass is going in the slammer for a long time."

Zelda cleared her throat and gave me a surprised/dirty look. "I didn't mean it that way!"

"I know, but I was trying to spice things up. Do you know how boring you are?"

Link slapped his hand over my mouth, and looked up at Zelda apologetically. "Please continue, Zelda."

She glared once at me then carried on, "I was so young... I could not comprehend the consequences of trying to control the Sacred Realm. I dragged you into it too. Now it is time for me to make up for my mistakes. You must lay the Master Sword to rest and close the door of time... However, by doing this, the road between times will be closed... Link, give the Ocarina to me. As a Sage, I can return you to your original time with it."

Link interrupted, "And what of Christina?"

"She will return to her own time and place."

I pushed Link's hand off my mouth and cried, "I would rather die than go back there!"  
  
"I'm sorry, but this is the way it must be. You have to go home."

"This is my home. This is where I want to be."

"I know how you feel. But you were never meant to be here. There was a fluke in the boundaries of space and time. You do not exist in the future of Hyrule. "

"Yeah, but in Einstein's theory of relativity, he says that if one factor is changed in space and time, then the rest of the future will be changed too. That means that since I came here because of the fluke then I do exist in the future, considering that I am here now." You didn't think I was that smart, didj'a? (I think that's right. I'd heard something like that before, and I spent almost an hour looking for it, but I couldn't find it so just pretend that it's true.) 

"I know naught of Einstein or who ever it was that you spoke of, though your words are in vain. I fear that there is no other way. You must go to where you were before."

"No!" I was beginning to get hysterical, and tears stained my cheeks.

"Link, give me the Ocarina... now." She stretched out her hand.

"No, you can't!" I begged Link. He didn't want to do it, I could tell just by the look in his eyes, but Link is a man of duty and he handed her the Ocarina. I turned away from him in anger, and I heard Zelda play the tune on the Ocarina. Every note sounded like it lasted an eternity. As the last note rang out, I heard an apologetic voice behind me. "Chris, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."


	26. Last Chapter

Hellloooo!!! Does wink, wink, nudge, nudge mean anything to you people?! Of course I'm not going to end it there, what are you, stupid? Humor fics can't have bad endings, and definitely not abrupt endings! JEEBUS! What the hell is wrong with you! Here's the real ending! Ugh, for crap's sake! I'm working with a load of gullibles!

It'd been six long years since that very day. Every day was like the one before: hell. But I never gave up hope that I would find him again. I would spend hours turning my game counsel on and off, trying to make it do what it had once done. It never worked.

When I turned 18 I left that awful hellhole that I had once called home. I thought that I would find happiness elsewhere. I was wrong. I wanted to hold on longer, I really did, but I just couldn't. I was so tired, tired of living, tired of holding on to nothing. It was all too much for me and hope was just a memory. So I ended it all. I ran into the bathroom of my apartment and pried apart my shaver. I picked up the small razor that fell to the floor. It felt cold in my fingers, unbearably cold, but it was my savior, and for that I thanked it as the metal sliced through my clammy flesh. It took about two minutes for me to feel the effects of the lost blood. At first I became dizzy, very dizzy. Suddenly I was freezing cold. My blood felt icy as it flowed through my veins and out my wrist. I lay on the ground slowly slipping away. My vision blurred and I knew that I would soon be gone. Suddenly I heard the door open. I didn't know who it could be, because I lived alone. I figured it didn't matter anyway, it was too late to save me; I'd already lost too much blood. I heard the person speak, "What have you done to yourself!" I recognized the voice almost immediately... It was Link! I felt my heart slip into my stomach as I realized that had I waited just a couple minutes longer I would be safe in the arms of love. But I hadn't waited. I would never be with him again and it was my fault. Something grasped my shoulders and a bright light surrounded me. I looked down and my wrists were perfectly healed. 

"Am I dead?" I asked though there was no one to be seen.

"Not quite, but you came awful close."

"Link? Is that you?" My heart sang. I tried to see him, but there was still no one there.

"Yes, it's me."

"Where are you?"

"I'm here, you just can't see me; we haven't finished making the transition yet."

"Transition?" It was as I said it that I felt the ground beneath my feet and the bright light dispersed. I immediately saw the castle before me and... Link, he was there too. I ran into his arms and I couldn't imagine how I'd ever let go. 

"Well, I guess you're not mad at me?"

It was a big mistake of his to say that, since it reminded me of what that bastard had done to me. I stepped back and slapped him across the face.

"Perhaps I spoke too soon..."

"How could you do that to me?! Just because that stupid moron Zelda tells you to do something doesn't mean you have to do it!"

"But she's the princess!"

"I don't care! Why didn't you just kill her?"

"Well I suppose I could've, but that would have ultimately defied the whole purpose of what we had been doing for the past three weeks."

"Not necessarily... but it doesn't matter!" I said and wrapped him in another hug.

"Umm... Do you have any mental problems I should know about?"

"What do you mean?"

"You know, like Multiple Personality Disorder?"

"Real funny."

"Yes, I know."

"Link?" I said after a couple of minutes.

"Yes?"

"How did you find me? I didn't think it was possible."

"Well let's see..." He looked up at the sky. "How does it go?"

"How does what go?"

"Oh, I remember." Then he looked back down at me. ".....Ain't no mountain high enough, ain't no valley low enough,"

I laughed and then joined him, "Ain't no river wide enough, to keep me from get to you." 

And we continued singing for almost an hour, until it ended like a lot of things do... with a kiss.

~*~The REAL End~*~

There! Are you friggin' happy?! I didn't have her kill herself like I wanted to! *Stomps her foot and pouts like a toddler* And most things do not end with a kiss, they end with a punch or a gun blast! Well anyway, now it's time for a sequel! Of course this time it's gonna go my way... and unfortunately, very little if not any humor in it. It just wouldn't fit. And it's going to be very sad/funny depending on your mental state, but it's definitely not for wee ones so be careful....... mwa ha ha ha ha ................................................. ................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................   
.................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................ha ha..................................................... 


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